Rinse. Repeat.

days by the beach.

2012-02-12T22:28:00.002-06:00

Gabe works from 7am to 7pm, and while counting the hours til he comes home, I fill my day with small moments.

Days alone in Kuwait are very different than home: I set out on little walks in search of seashells, read on park benches and find tiny kittens that live next to the beach. When I don't feel like leaving home, I gaze at ocean waves from our windy balcony and listen for the hauntingly beautiful adhan ...or lay on my belly in our bed, my feet pressed against the cool headboard and my head at the foot of the bed, looking straight out the window.

I could watch waves for hours.

Sometimes, our maid will come to my room--we chat while I curl my hair and she hangs up laundry. We talk about her daughter, when "husband" and I want to have babies, her home country of Sri Lanka and whether or not she likes macarons (she doesn't). There's stumbling and repeating, my accent is heavy midwestern and hers heavy middle eastern, but we're both heavy on the smiles to make up for our conversational bumps.

The other day she said to me:

"I tell my friends that I like you, Madame, because you are happy, laughing and loud...just like me!"

We learn to say each other's names through lots of laughs and mispronunciations. She says mine like "Bet-nee", and it's so endearing I cannot correct it. I'm certain I say "Ee-nigh-uh" wrong, too, but she smiles anyway. She was right. We are both happy, laughing and loud...and I am elated to have a friend for however long I am here.

This experience has revived my childlike heart. Not that it was ever gone, but experiencing an entirely new culture is humbling, like learning to walk and talk all over again....ever dependant on the kindness and understanding of those surrounding you. It resparks the ability to rejoice in little things like seashells, new friends, found kittens and crossing the biggest street here all by myself.

Yep, I crossed the busiest, craziest street. And I wasn't even ashamed when I beamed, telling Gabe all about it. It really is like growing up all over again.

everything...and more...you wanted to know.

2012-02-10T10:26:00.000-06:00

(instagram: wwrinserepeat. from top left to right: minaret at a mosque,
view from our bedroom, roses from Gabe and detail of a mosque)

Hello, friends! I'm on day three here in Kuwait, and here's something I didn't expect to say: I really love it here...it's been an intriguing cultural experience. Truly! So much so that Gabe and I decided we'd be comfortable living here through the year. Unexpected, right? Nothing is in stone, though. Just saying that we're open to the experience, if offered. :)

On to the FAQs:

Do you have to wear a hijab or burka while visiting Kuwait? Nope! Only Muslim women are required to cover their heads and/or body. But as a western woman, you must keep shoulders and knees covered, avoid overly tight clothing...and definitely no baring of cleavage. Basically, dress like you're going to grandma's...be modest.

The ladies here have amazing fashion sense, even if they keep it covered in public. I saw countless women dressed in traditional dark, floor length robes shopping at incredible clothing shops. Also, I've spotted more than a few pairs of sparkly shoes peeking out from under cloaks. :)

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Are you safe? I'm very much safe, especially when I'm home! Four security guards watch our apartment building 24/7. During the day, I'm allowed to roam our little neighborhood alone--apartment buildings, a few restaurants and pharmacies. Oh, and lots of stray cats. We met a very friendly cab driver, Naser, and I can call him if I'd like to be driven to the market or shopping center.

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How do locals react to western women? Do they pay much attention to you? They definitely notice westerners! Lots of men just watch you...all the way down the street. They're simply intrigued and aren't shy about stopping everything to check you out. On my first day here, I went on a short walk--a man popped his head out of a shop to yell after me, "Fantastic! You are very, very fantastic!" And yet, every interaction I've had with local men has been friendly and respectful.

The women are very kind...a few might stare, but not as many as the men. Those I've encountered in social situations--in restaurants, in shops, at the airport--are very friendly. What I've loved thus far is that the women aren't afraid to laugh with me as I try to figure out new things, like ordering food, the way doors lock differently here...or how sinks and hand dryers turn on. They're even kind when I have a hard time understanding conversation, due to my horrible ability to hear through accents other than my own!

In short, as long as you're respectful and dressed appropriately, I cannot imagine having any troubles with the local population. They might stare...I look quite different than the local Kuwaiti, so I get it! It's slightly uncomfortable, but I haven't experienced a sliver of unkindness yet.

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And...are you scared to be there? Not at all...not even for a second. When traveling, I believe there's a difference between being wise and being scared. I'm not scared for my safety, but aware that as a western woman I need to stay alert to my surroundings when alone, and remain extremely conscious of what I say or do.

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So, riddle me this, friends: would you ever visit the middle east? I've been surprised by how many readers + friends have said they'd love to, given the chance!

Happy weekend!

a word about photos.

2012-02-08T13:57:00.002-06:00

(from top left: welcome sign after leaving airport, making friends with an alley cat,

our favorite restaurant and the ocean view from our living room)

You know me...I'm a shutterbug in my daily life, especially so when traveling. But here in Kuwait, there are lots of restrictions. So many restrictions that taking my DSLR camera when I go out actually makes me a bit nervous!

Photography of most public areas like museums, parks and malls is prohibited and the same is true of military, government buildings and airports. Complicating this even more? Taking photos which happen to include a local without permission...also prohibited. That means most street photos or architectural photos are out of the question, and breaking these rules can mean getting your camera confiscated or worse.

What I'm saying is this: please bear with me! Don't be surprised if there are lots of vignettes that don't include vast city-scenes, buildings or local faces. My fingers are itching to click that shutter each time I step outside and I want to deliver bucketloads interesting photos...fantastic buildings and beautiful, intriguing people. But mostly, I want to be a respectful tourist. So I keep those itchy fingers in my pocket most of the time. When I do spot something snappable, I've been doing so with my iPhone--it's small and inconspicuous enough to shoot quickly--without being obvious.

In other news, tomorrow will be my first real day out on the town...I'm excited to get a better feel for the culture and society! Over the past few weeks I've naturally been asked lots of questions about my trip like, do you have to wear a hijab? is it safe for women to walk alone? are you scared? what will you eat? and so forth!

I'd love to take Friday to entertain inquiring minds! If you have a question about visiting the Middle East...anything, don't be shy...just drop it in the comments here and I'll answer it on Friday! :)

a different adventure of sorts.

2012-02-07T18:47:00.006-06:00

(instagram: wwrinserepeat or view my photos here)

Someday, I would like to write a book. It's a silly, self-indulgent thought...but it's there and I acknowledge it. One chapter would be titled, "...then I went to Kuwait", and that chapter would be my pride and joy.

There are two types of pride that I've experienced in life. One type follows a dream fulfilled--a heart-bursting, misty-eyed moment you've spent hours imagining--like standing in front of the Eiffel Tower or walking down the aisle towards the love of your life.

But there's another type of pride that I've experienced only once...at 3am on a tenth floor balcony in Kuwait, with my husband fast asleep down the hall. I was jet-lagged, eating a deliciously soggy egg roll and listening to the ocean waves hit the shore. It was a quiet pride that washed over as I realized I'd just traveled 24 hours to visit the Middle East...something I never thought to dream of, never considered myself gutsy enough to do.

That pride isn't the misty-eyed type...but it's a moment in which you honor life's twists and turns. The way it takes you the scenic way, and suddenly you find your feet on the ground in the most unexpected places, like a breezy balcony in Kuwait.

All that to say: I am here. I am safe, I am very, very jet-lagged...but mostly I am proud of myself.

And that's a phrase I don't often say...so I swear it means something big.

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If you're not an Instagrammer but still want sneak peeks, you can follow along on my Rinse. Repeat. Facebook page...I'll be sharing snippets of my trip in between blog posts!

you make my world spin round.

2012-01-31T09:37:00.001-06:00

(photo by one of my bridesmaids...layout by me)

One month ago today...

I was hugging my mother good morning...she had no clue her little girl was getting married that day.
A barista was scrawling the word "bride" across my coffee cup just as the sun said hello.
I was penning the final touches on vows I knew wouldn't leave my lips without a few tears shed.
We were secretly frolicing through orange trees, kissing for the camera.

Then we were shouting "surprise", watching my parents cry as they realized what was happening.

I was hand in hand with my mother, whisking her off to put on a very special dress.
I was tucking a hankie in my daddy's jacket pocket and linking my arm in his.
My father was walking me into the sunset, toward the big oak tree with ribbons blowing in the breeze.

One month ago today, my fiance became my husband and I became his wife.

Although in the first month of marriage I've said more "goodnights" to my husband from across an ocean than I have face to face, it has been a joy. Well, mostly a joy...it's not perfect, we have our moments...it's no fairytale.

But it is good. So very, very good. Most days I wonder how I tripped into such a beautiful life place, where I'm respected, considered, loved and cherished. A few folks have told me that I'm "just in the honeymoon phase", but I don't believe that's true. He's not Prince Charming and I'm no Cinderella. My feet are very much on the ground, but my heart is very much in deciding to be happy every single day. Deciding to love my husband, even if there are tough days, until my last breath.

Cause that's what love is. And that's how we roll.

i believe in little moments.

2012-01-30T07:19:00.004-06:00

(instagram: wwrinserepeat or view my photos here)

The day after our wedding, Gabe activated my iPhone...a much debated purchase about which I wasn't completely keen. You see, I'm a tech-minimalist--my circa 2009 brick cell was more than enough for me. Anything more advanced was likely to leave me cussing like a sailor while trying to check my voicemail.

Unfortunately, my technophile husband couldn't stand my behind-the-times phone. So, upgrade we did. And it is he who I now blame for my addiction to Instagram, the ultra fast photo editing app that I use at least ten times a day.

I'm the type whose house may be a mess, but still fiddles with the salt and pepper shaker until they're standing in perfect harmony, or takes a moment to categorize my shelves by color, simply because I feel life is prettier that way. Prior to having an iPhone, I didn't stop to document these little things using my camera because it was rather time consuming.

I believe in those little moments, in catching the way an apple looks sitting on the table. Even if that's silly to everyone else, certain things are worth taking a moment to fidget with, to honor beauty in the smallest of things. Even if the rest of the world is in chaos, the ability to control one little beautiful moment is fulfilling.

So....yep. I'm now one of those people...I believe in Instagraming the heck out of life! Do you Instagram?

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In other news, my good friend Shannon is running a week-long series on starting your dream creative business. So many of us girls are either livin' that dream or quietly thinking about it (I fall into the latter category, still too shy to start!). Any of you girls fall into those categories? :) Well, she's got a crew of amazing folks who are sharing their experiences and advice this week...be sure to pop over and check out the Livin' the Dream series!

valentines-tastic.

2012-01-26T11:40:00.000-06:00

When I met up with my friend Amanda this weekend, she gifted me these Valentine's bowls as a wedding gift. Adorable, right? I haven't been able to bring myself to dirty them with ice cream yet, which is really a miracle in my household. Instead I've put them to work holding various craft supplies and jewelry...I rather like them that way. Why dirty a good thing, right?

I'm pretty jazzed about Valentine's Day. Even in my single days, I love, love, loved it. Call me a sap (cause it's true), but I buy into the entire holiday: pinks, reds, doilies, flowers...the whole durn thing. Even though I'll be in Kuwait, I'm planning to wear something sweet and have a romantic dinner.

Gabe and I are the gift-giving type. Nothing extravagant, but we love having a surprise up our sleeves. So, here's what's on my Valentine's crush list:

1. What Would Audrey Do? by Modcloth.

2. Sloane Enamel Bracelet by Stella and Dot.

3. Exclamation Point Pumps by Seychelles.

4. Supercalifragilipstick! by Kate Spade.

5. Gold Dot Case by Kate Spade.

6. Lychee Macarons by 'Lette.

Honey, if you're reading...any of these items will do. ;)

How about you? Love Valentines Day, or hate it? If you've got a significant other, do you wine and dine...or are you a no-frills, no-gifts household?

brunchin'.

2012-01-24T10:35:00.001-06:00

On Saturday I invited my mama over for brunch. This is epic because I never, ever cook--it was the second time I used my stove since moving in June. (Blush.) But, it was also epic because I finally got a chance to catch up with my amazing mom, who I missed so much in the past busy month.

Until we sat down across from each other, I didn't realize how much time had passed since we'd actually caught up! Mostly we talked about the wedding, the crazed planning and the beautiful day.

While my mom and I are incredibly different religiously, politically and all that "on paper" jazz, we have very similar spirits. We're all about the creation of little moments and living in the now. I love that while she is still very much "mom", a woman I honor and want to make proud...she is now a person that I consider my friend...someone to celebrate with, to consult and to get a little buzzed and giggly with on a snowy Saturday.

Oh, and she has the rockinist pure white hair, milky skin and gorgeous blue eyes. Pity I didn't get those baby blues, but I'm crossing my fingers I'll discover in 30 years that I genetically inherited those pure white locks.

I pulled my bistro set from the porch, cloaked it with a rather-rumpled blush sheet and draped a handful of leftover wedding ribbons across the top. Mom provided the baby's breath and I dug out the vintage wedding dishes I had purchased for the June wedding...she spent the morning convincing me to keep all of them...

...just incase I wanted to have a 40-guest dinner party someday. Okay, mama. Okay. :)

We both wore pearls and red lipstick...like the classy broads we are. It's truly a shame I didn't buy another bottle of champagne, with a bit more bubbly we could have easily kept the party going til dinner.

Moments like this are bittersweet for me. My days left in Wisconsin are dwindling, we're just waiting for Gabe to get a permanent position overseas...then I'll be packing up my little apartment, all the memories, and jetting off to live something I've dreamed of for years.

Standing with my toes just this side of a dream-becoming-reality is exhilarating. But, dreams-becoming-reality usually means the closing of a chapter you have loved. Somedays I don't want to close my little hometown chapter, to swear I'll never leave. But I'd be disappointed if I never pursued my own dreams.

So for now I'm soaking up all the Smalltown, USA moments I can get my hands on. Brunch with mama included. :)

i believe in planning. (er, at least having a planner.)

2012-01-23T15:18:00.025-06:00

(my brand, spankin' new planner by russell + hazel)

On our honeymoon, Gabe told me that he missed my "I Believe in Mondays" series...so, I'm getting back on track with that. This one's for you, sweetheart!

This Monday, I believe....in having a physical, write-in-able planner. And a cute pen to go with.

Now that we're in the final days of January, I'm aware that the ol' "I just got married...life is crazy" excuse is about to expire. Infact, I believe it expires on your one month anniversary, meaning I've got exactly one week to get my rear in gear. Incase you weren't aware, I am not a planner. But, this year I'm trying to jot down one little to-do every day that will keep me more "together".

Today's operation: Respond to mountain of emails + messages from family, friends, blog friends and others. I kept receiving all these sweet words while I was packing up wedding things, getting on planes, on my honeymoon, repacking...and they all got set aside until I had a moment to breathe + properly respond. Well, newsflash! Life will probably never bring you that moment unless you sit down and make it. So, that's happening today.

Tomorrow's operation: Send out belated holiday packages. Ish. That's embarassing.

Speaking of planning...see that heart-filled square above? It says, "Spend day with husband". Yes! In Kuwait, of all places. I leave in two weeks. We've never been face-to-face for V-day, and I'm so excited. Even if Kuwait isn't the most romantic location on the planet, we'll take it. :)

How about you? Do you carry a planner, and regularly make notes? Or do you use your iPhone to keep yourself on track? Or are you free-spirited enough to live without one?

a friday catchall.

2012-01-20T08:28:00.000-06:00

(words written by Theodore Roethke/graphic by me)

Friends, thank you so much for the encouraging comments + emails that came this week. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Your words were amazing.

I never planned to share those stormy moments from the past few months--every intention was to leave it in the life-vault. My husband and a few others knew, that was enough vulnerability for me. But without complete vulnerability, I could never accurately express why we scrapped a wedding, did things our way. The whole experience was a total life shift, and meant so very much...I'm a bit of a changed woman, and not only because I'm now a wife. :)

Next week, I'm going to keep filling you in on the wedding deets, and it's gonna be a good time. I swear. Because after people ask "Why did you move up your wedding by six months?" their next question is always, "How?!"

Oh, friends. "How" is where it gets interesting. And pretty stinkin' joyful. :)

Happy Weekend!

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P.S. This week my bridesmaids' boxes were ranked #2 in the Top 10 Posts of 2011 over at Wedding Chicks. My mother was pretty proud, but I think I may have been more so! Go check out the list...there's some pretty lovely posts included!:)

wedding reflection: part 2 of why.

2012-01-19T07:40:00.003-06:00

(Photo taken by me.)

It was fall, and I'd been in therapy for a few months. Every Wednesday at 10am, I'd clack up for four flights of stairs to the counselor's office where I'd arrive sweaty and breathless, then wait for my therapist, Jeanne, to call my name. Her office was plain, but cozy, and her presence was always warm. The brown recliner would be empty, I'd settle in and without fail, I would cry. At the end of our hour, I would say goodbye, head down the stairs and walk a block to a coffee shop for lunch. My booth was always open, and I'd sit for an hour or two thinking about what Jeanne and I had discussed in therapy.

I don't know why it happened that day in October, perhaps it just happens that one day, something finally clicks. But, suddenly towards the end of our session I stumbled upon it: Somewhere in the years of dating really terrible boys, of finding "Bethany Wuerch is ugly" scrawled in a public place in high school, of being told by a man that I was too fat to be loved...I had decided that I didn't have a voice. That I simply wasn't worthy of having ideas or of being heard, and that these nasty incidents were just the truest reflections of who I was.

Our session ended, and as I clacked down the stairs from the fourth floor counselors office to the street, I got pissed. Really, terribly, very pissed...more so with every step. Pissed at people in the past for the hurt they caused. But, mostly pissed at myself for allowing it. I'd crumbled into a giant people-pleaser who formed my identity around what a handful of truly messed-up individuals had told me about myself. And I'd spent the past ten years believing it all was true.

But once the anger passed, I became determined. I shoved open the door to the courtyard, and it was like breathing air for the first time...sharp, chilly October air that catches in your lungs, but leaves you feeling fresh and new. I wanted to do everything differently. I wanted to allow myself to be the girl I'd always dreamed I could be, to simply live as me. Stop worrying about whether those around me thought I was fat, unattractive, over-the-top or boring. So, right there, I swore to myself that I was going to have a voice again. I was going to be me, and regardless of what others said or did, I was worthy of love and a voice.

After I'd settled into my usual booth at the coffee shop, I started thinking about Gabe, about our plans to elope. Eloping, I realized, had just been my way of crumbling again. A wedding had been too scary for me...too much attention. Too much room for judgement. Too much work to make everyone else happy.

I thought about what I really wanted: I wanted to marry the only man who had ever made me feel worthy and cherished. I didn't need a fancy dress or 200 people there. Regardless of what every wedding blog or magazine was showcasing at the time, what I really wanted was to have my father walk me up the aisle to pledge my love to Gabe. Mostly, I was ready to start living spontaneously and joyfully, two words that described the girl I once was, and the girl I so wanted to be again.

This was the first step. That night I texted Gabe;

"Idea: What if we have a surprise wedding on New Years Eve, with just our immediate families and our bridal party?"

He texted back that it sounded fun, but that I needed to really make sure it was what I wanted. Silly boy. I was a new girl. And I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted to marry the first boy who had truly cherished me. I wanted to marry the boy who had loved me through this mess...

...and I didn't want to wait eight more months to do it.

wedding reflection: part I of why.

2012-01-17T07:07:00.000-06:00

For years, I've prided myself on my ability to be emotionally opaque. Life can be crumbling, but I can paste on a smile and engage in cheerful conversation with a friend over coffee as if life is nothing but bubbles and sunshine.

Never have I leaned as heavily on that skill as I did this summer, shortly after getting engaged. While there was a smile on my face in public, I was an unhappy, unhealthy girl. I should have been joyous, but I spent countless hours in bed, with covers pulled over my head. When I wasn't in bed, I was exercising and counting calories, which I'd strictly limited to less than 700 a day. I was just getting bridal ready, I told myself. It was just for a month or two.

But in my heart, I knew it wasn't that simple.

Every day felt like a lifetime or more. The sun rose on a girl who thought that perhaps this was the day she could chase her demons away, but that sun always went down on an exhausted girl who was so tired of battling her own mind. I was endlessly aware of every flaw, every way in which the girl I saw in the mirror wasn't the girls in the magazines: my hair was too frizzy, my nose was too large, I was too short, my waist was too wide, my hips too full...my thighs touched. The girl I saw was so flawed, so ugly and so unlovable. There were days in which I don't remember looking in the mirror, because the battle that ensued would be too draining. Sometimes after catching a glimpse in the mirror, I would admit defeat, cancel my plans and lay in bed, crying. There I'd swear I wouldn't eat for as long as possible. Until there was a decisive sliver of light between my thighs. Until I suddenly could love and accept myself...something I was sure would happen within a few pounds.

Of course that wasn't true. When you're dealing with an eating disorder and a severe body image disconnect, nothing changes within a few pounds. You're not happier. Your habits are just more deeply ingrained, and you're still too exhausted to fight the sickness in your mind.

Those days and weeks were dark, friends. I didn't want to die, although I thought about what it might feel like. But no, that wasn't it, I finally told myself. I just wanted to disappear. To crumble into a thousand pieces...to become dust and blow far away, to a place where I didn't exist physically. To a place where my mind could rest and there was peace.

The very thought of putting myself on display in a wedding dress, even to try on a few samples, left me breathless. My stomach rolled and my throat tightened. My palms began to sweat, and I could feel tears well up in the corner of my eyes. Brides are supposed to be flawless. They're supposed to beautiful. They glow. I was none of those things. And standing in a wedding dress would only emphasize it.

One night, during a Skype date with Gabe, I began sobbing:

"I just don't want anyone to see me--I don't want anyone to look at me. I want to marry you, but please don't make me have a wedding...please can we just elope?"

Gabe was heartbroken over this girl he loved, who he found so beautiful, so flawless. He wanted to fix her. To hold her. To at least ease the pain. But he was 6,000 miles away and so very helpless...all he could do was watch her crumble.

So, we decided we would elope over the holidays. I bought a white ruffled dress. We read up on the elopement process and checked the available dates + times. I learned how to make my own bouquet, and we told our best friends to meet us at the San Francisco City Hall on December 28th.

That wasn't exactly how things ended...as I was married on December 31st, surrounded by family and a few friends. And certainly not in the $60 dollar elopement dress.

But that is how things started. :)

lately.

2012-01-16T17:27:00.000-06:00

It's currently 5:14pm, and I'm writing this later than intended.

Late seems to be the theme of my life recently, as I've been continually apologizing for late emails, unfinished tasks or unreturned calls...and people give me the funniest looks or responses. Apparently throwing a surprise wedding during the holidays, honeymooning and sending your husband back overseas within a ten day time period is an event that forgives a myriad of etiquette sins.

Whew.

Although I can't think of anything truly epic that's occupied my time, the past few days have felt full. From Thursday to present, I've eaten lots of meals with family members, polished off several bottles of wine, unpacked a few suitcases and tidied up around my house. I've been back to work and chatted with co-workers, all of whom I'd missed and were so sweetly excited to hear about our wedding.

Speaking of weddings, tonight I'm settling in to write my first wedding post...starting with the "why", why we moved up our day half a year earlier than planned! It's a little heavy, and though I'm rarely shy about sharing here, I'm slightly timid this time because it's deeply personal. Bear with me. I promise we'll come out on the sunny side, and I promise that the final destination is joy.

See you tomorrow. :)

a little mantra.

2012-01-12T13:50:00.001-06:00

My sister gifted me this coffee mug a few days before the wedding...just a little inspiration incase anything went haywire during the final planning phases! It didn't, although I certainly ate my fair share of cake.

But, it's now functioning as my mantra for today! After a few quick hugs + kisses at the airport, and a "see you soon" I sent my husband back overseas. This time to Kuwait (no more Iraq!) and we're hoping to be split for only a month before seeing each other again...somehow that made our newlywed goodbyes so much easier. Perhaps when you've braved six months apart, a few weeks is old hat?

That's not to say that my apartment doesn't feel rather lonely right now. Or that I didn't eat my weight in Oreos at 5:30am after returning from the airport. Oh yes, the Oreo package is empty.

But I'm not complaining. I try not to complain too much about being apart these days, because it is something that we choose. Gabe isn't considered deployed (although he has been previously), since he works on various Army or Navy bases for the government. It's tricky work at which he excels. Now that we're married it offers the opportunity for us to live abroad very safely and easily in the near future...something we've talked about doing since a few days after we met.

Ah. Future. That's a nice word...I'm excited about that, even if we're living in the Middle East for a few months until we can get transferred to a more, uh, European destination. :)

-------------------------------------------------

I'm so eager to share details about the wedding, but our fantastic photos won't be ready for a few weeks! Maybe I'll put together a few posts about why we chose to change our wedding so drastically (not pregnant, swear!), all the "behind the scenes" secret-keeping and some of my favorite wedding vendors. Would that whet your wedding palate for the time being? :)

fistful of memories.

2012-01-11T08:42:00.000-06:00

We'd been married two days, were making our way to the airport for our honeymoon when one of us said it. Gabe was the brave one, but his tone was shy and unsure.

"Is it just me...or does nothing feel different?"

The words had barely left his mouth before I laughingly shouted, "THANK YOU. Thank you! I've been thinking the same, but didn't want to say it. I feel like we're supposed to be changed or completely blissed out. Or freaked out. Or crestfallen that the wedding is over. But I just feel like regular ol' Gabe and Bethany!"

I'd been fully prepared to have wedding let-down. After all the planning, the prettiness, the attention passed I thought for sure Gabe would find me in a sobbing puddle, shoveling leftover cake into my mouth, staring at Pinterest wedding boards and numbly mumbling, "It's over...it's really over...". But that didn't happen.

And here's why: People often talk about your wedding as the "biggest day of your life", and it's certainly one of them, yes. But I like to believe that when you marry the right person, your biggest days are still ahead. There's so much planning and dreaming to do...there will be more big days. There will. The honeymoon is over, but the happiness isn't. We're closer, we're happier and we're each more loved. And...bonus! We've got a few more memories under our belt.

If that's what marriage is...then sign me up for the long haul.

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Thank you so much for your sweet congratulatory comments here and on my Facebook page! You are amazing. I'm getting back into the blogging swing now that I'm home, but if you just can't wait to see honeymoon + a few wedding deets, find my photos for the past few weeks on Instagram: wwrinserepeat. :)

dreams do come true.

2012-01-02T07:15:00.000-06:00

(photo by the amazing Flory Photo)

Dear friends,

I have a tendency to shorten lengthy stories by quickly stating the basic premise, then tying it up with a tidy, "So...that happened." Like this:

On New Years Eve, we threw a surprise wedding and got married! So...that happened.

Mmhmm...it's true and I've been bursting to tell you all!! Remember that New Years Eve Engagement Party I wrote about? Well, we planned that months ago. But a few weeks ago we came to the realization that we were ready to get married. That life is so short. There's something about being oceans and countries apart that makes you reevaluate your choices and priorities. Suddenly it was crystal clear: We didn't need to wait six more months. We didn't need a storybook wedding. And we certainly didn't need everyone we know present.

We just needed us. And our families. And my bridesmaids. As if it was meant to be, almost all of them would be at our house on New Years Eve.

When we made this decision, I assumed we'd wind up getting hitched in the backyard. I had no clue if I'd find a dress I loved, and I thought I might be baking my own cake. And that was all okay, because our truest, purest hope was to simply be husband and wife. Everything else was just a beautiful bonus. But we got so, so much more...we were so blessed. I'll admit that all the extras were largely due to our incredible wedding coordinator, Jacin Fitzgerald of Lovely Little Details, who wouldn't settle for anything less than dreams-come-true. (Hire her. Hire her stat, brides.)

Of course there are lots of details, like how we managed to keep this enormous secret for the past few weeks! But for now, I'm off for a quick honeymoon with my adorable husband. And I feel I'll be doing a lot of this:

(photo by Flory Photo)

I promise to return in a few days and tell you all the story of how our day came together! :)

Lots of Love,
Mrs. Bethany Contreras

my band!

2011-12-28T11:35:00.000-06:00

I know, I know. I've really been slacking on the wedding updates! When you're planning a wedding from thousands of miles away, sharing visual pieces is a tad tricky...but, now that we're back in California, we'll cross off a few more "to dos" and by next week we'll have met all of our vendors face to face!

But, I haven't been totally slacking. I swear. Before getting engaged, I dreamed of a vintage engagement ring...Gabe was a tad nervous about that, so he wisely had my ring custom made. But after seeing the price for a matching diamond eternity band, I knew it just wasn't in the budget. And I really didn't need more diamonds. (Wait. Did I just say that?)

Why not get my "vintage" kick in with the wedding band, though? A few days before Christmas I stopped at an antique store in Stillwater, Minnesota, and bumped into the most beautiful Art Nouveau vintage wedding band from 1930. It's a gorgeous thin yellow gold band with flower motif all around...the fit was perfect and it added a really great texture without looking too mismatched. I bought it on the spot. Gabe isn't always into vintage...he's every bit "modern" to my "nostalgic" tastes. But he loves it too...and I also think he loved that we saved several hundred dollars.

Two weeks later and I'm still in love. I may or may not be slipping it on every few days just to make sure it still looks great. :)

What kind of band do you have or dream of wearing someday?

the day after.

2011-12-26T10:10:00.000-06:00

I like to believe that Christmas extends through New Years Day. Somehow, these five extra seasonal days help me feel a little less blue on December the 26th.

Even though our all-Christmas radio station has switched back to hum-drum usual tunes, it makes me a little cheery that my apartment is still decorated for Christmas. Sure, I won't be there for the next two weeks, today we leave for Sacramento..but I couldn't have parted with my Christmas lights + tree just yet! The mistletoe still hangs in the doorway to my kitchen, and perhaps we can snag one more smooch under it before it's got to come down. :)

Off subject topic: I recently received requests on my Facebook page for a photo-focused post! I'm ultra happy + flattered to put this together! An expert I am not, but I have done my fair share of trial and error...so perhaps I can share how to get started, which equipment is necessary + fabulous, easy editing and so forth.

Sound okay? If you have a question, just drop it in the comments here so I can start working on that post! :)

a very special guest post.

2011-12-24T13:37:00.000-06:00

Hello and hope you are all enjoying the holidays! I’m Gabriel, Bethany’s fiancé and the ineloquent writer filling in for her today. I promise she will be back soon. It’s just that I rarely feel like writing, but the holidays are a subject about which I’ve recently gained some understanding.

For the past 14 years I have either been in the military or serving with the military in some form or another. I can count on one hand the number of birthdays and Christmases I have actually been home to see. Over the years, when you are gone for more holidays than you’re home, you tend to let yourself think that a holiday is really just another day. You tell yourself there’s nothing special about the day; nothing to really miss. Over this last month though, I have realized that this is just a coping mechanism. Once you admit that you are missing out on something so special, so often, it suddenly becomes a big deal. You realize you’re missing out on a lot.

This Christmas will be my first at home in years. And I say “at home” because since meeting Bethany, I think of my home as wherever my beautiful fiancé is. It is not really a place that makes my home, but a person. Knowing that we’ll wake up on Christmas morning, see each other and open presents together makes me realize that I wouldn’t trade this for anything in the world. Being gone for so long, I kind of lost sight of that. They say you never really know what you have until you lost it, but I had the reverse of that. I never really knew what I was missing until I found her. Spending Christmas with Bethany is the best gift I could possibly receive.

So, the best gift I can give to others is to remind them of the gift of experience. No matter how stressful Christmas can be with friends and family, don’t let yourself miss it. Stop and take it all in. After being away for so long, I know for sure that it’s the best thing in the world.

I wish you a very Merry Christmas and hope you enjoy every moment with family and friends.

a very retro christmas

2011-12-19T11:40:00.001-06:00

This weekend was a blur.

But a few things I remember from it were...meeting a bunch of really lovely girls at Give Crafty in Minneapolis...staying at an ultra cute hotel so I could knock out some Christmas shopping at the Mall of America. And...finally finding something to wear to pick up Gabe at the airport tomorrow! Yes, I'm one of those girls who obsesses over that airport greeting outfit. But when it's been six months (and you've lost twenty pounds since then!), I think a little obsessing is earned, right?

After a drive to Anthropologie on Sunday, I made the mistake of telling a sales associate what I was shopping for. She squealed and starting pulling every item known to man, while I was sent off to the fitting room! Girls...she brought everything from purple skinny jeans to slinky black dresses. I am not exaggerating when I say I tried on at least thirty things and was overwhelmed.

But then...this dress entered the picture. It's a festive kelly green and a sweet retro shape...not my usual vibe. Yet when I slipped it on, I felt very Zooey Deschanel! (That's a good thing.) It was a out of my normal pricepoint, but my employer was super kind with the Christmas bonuses this year...so I happily bought this gorgeous frock.

I'm a bit nervous to wear it, though, since I don't usually dress so retro-inspired! While I love the look on others, sometimes I feel like a silly poser trying to pull of the Zooey look. But, here's hoping it will pair well with tights, gold glitter flats, and a sweet vintage gold brooch passed down to me by my Great Aunt Mill!

Gabe's flight arrives in twenty six hours. There aren't words to express my excitement...and also the length of my To Do list! But I won't wax poetic about that, because doesn't everyone in the world have an enormous list at this time of year? Yes. We all do.

Here's hoping you're enjoying this week before Christmas and crossing off every last thing on your list! :)

...and the winner is...

2011-12-15T14:47:00.001-06:00

...Doris Johnson, who surprisingly grew up in Wisconsin, like me, and then moved to Calfornia...just like I will in a few months! We're life twins, or something like that. :) Anyway, shoot me an email at wwrinserepeat@gmail.com and I'll drop this baby in the mail to you on Monday...along with about twelve other packages that are overdue to get into the post.

Thank you all so very much for entering. I feel like tons of new girls dropped commens on the giveaway post and I'm having a blast taking study breaks to discover these new places in the blog world! I only wish I had a bajillion dollars so I could purchase a calendar for each of you.

In other news, I've officially conquered the art history paper that's been looming over me and can now say that 75% of all stress in my life is due to procrastination and just plain stressing about stress. Know what I mean?

But, the above photo is an accurate summary of the last 48 hours of life in my world. Lots of caffeinated beverages, scads of books and, embarassingly enough, many, many hours in the same pair of pajamas. Oh and that Cheetah print Snuggie. Don't knock it til you try it...it's forgivably comfortable.

Tonight I've got a little party for one of my classes, and then am meeting up with my incredibly good friend + bridesmaid, Andrea, for coffee. She lives all the way over in Washington...I haven't seen her since before I got engaged and I'm beyond excited to hug her!

What are you up to tonight? Christmas cookies? Finals? Shopping? Do tell!

short and sweet: last day extra entry!

2011-12-14T00:20:00.000-06:00

As you read this, I'm likely highlighting, typing and rubbing a lucky rabbit's foot that somehow I'll finish a beastly medieval reliquaries paper by Thursday at 3pm. So, I'll keep it short and sweet today...save all my words in hopes of meeting a lofty page requirement which seems oh-so far away.

But quickly-quickly, I'm offering a last day extra entry on the Rifle Calendar Giveaway! This thing is whimsical as all get out. So those of you who are ultra in love with it, just on pop over to the original giveaway post and drop an additional comment!

I'll be back on Thursday with the winner! Have a lovely, lovely Wednesday. :)

we might need a miracle.

2011-12-13T10:35:00.002-06:00

It's getting to that point. You know, that point in December where you're not exactly sure how everything is going to get completed. Papers, finals, Christmas parties, nooks and crannies to clean, presents to mail, items to order, gifts to wrap...a fiance returning home from overseas.

The list goes on and on.

I'm trying to stay focused, but it's hard when there's snow outside, glittery crafts I'd like to make and a paper I'd looove to shirk. It's gonna take a mircale, I think. And maybe little pixie dust to get everything done around here in time for the holidays.

Are you feeling the crunch?

choosing joy in sadness.

2011-12-12T06:55:00.001-06:00

My heart feels silly writing about snowflakes or lipstick today...yesterday, a dear friend's mom passed away after years of battling cancer. There's peace that she no longer suffers, joy that she's gone home to Jesus...but it's tough not to cry or feel heavy-hearted.

I knew her best through her daughters, who live with so much joy, grace and laughter. Clearly she taught her girls:

...to laugh extra hard at the funny moments.
...to find the beauty in most any situation.
...to bless others in all that you do.
...and mostly, to trust God with everything. Big or little.

So for today, tomorrow, as long as I can remember...I will honor all those things in memory of their incredible mama who has really, truly gone home for Christmas.

rifle calendar giveaway!

2011-12-08T09:56:00.001-06:00

I love a new calendar. Crisp, clean pages...free from crinkles, coffee rings and scribbles. Flipping through leaves me thinking about what the coming months will bring: meeting my best friend's baby boy, a little school, marrying the love of my life...and then a lot of unknowns. When I spotted this Rifle Botanical Wall Calendar, I knew I needed it. A little visual grace, if you will, for a year that I feel might not look so graceful from the outside.

To celebrate the coming year, and all the excitement of 2011...I'm giving away an identical Rifle Botanical Wall Calendar to one lucky reader! Its the most beautiful calendar and the pages will make fabulous wrapping paper or scrapbooking bits after each month passes.

To enter:
Leave a comment on this post letting me know what you're most looking forward to in 2012!

For additional entries (please leave one comment for each entry):

Subscribe to my blog, and leave a comment letting me know you're a follower.

Like my Facebook page, and double back to leave a comment letting me know you've done so.

This giveaway is open to all (US, Sweden, Brazil...wherever!) through Wednesday, December 14th. I'll announce the winner on Thursday, December 15th.

In the meantime...drop a comment (or three) and enter to win!!

filling in the empty spaces.

2011-12-07T06:00:00.010-06:00

Gabe is on cloud nine about coming home for Christmas in two weeks, so I'm taking the holiday decor up a notch around here. Think even more glitter than usual, multiple stockings and seven extra strings of lights. Hello, enormous electric bill...I do not even care that you exist. I've informed Gabe that openly weeping with Christmas joy is the only thanks I'll need for the hours I've spent decorating. He'll try to oblige, he says.

Over the next two weeks, there are still a few awkward ledges + empty crannies in need of some holiday sprucing. So, when I spotted several pins + posts with plans to DIY these (ahem, overpriced) Anthropologie Mason Jar Snowglobes, I knew I had to hop on the band wagon and craft my own.

Here's the best part...it's totally a 4-3-2-1 craft format:

Four supplies needed (mason jar, mini tree, faux snow, hot glue gun).
Three minutes to create (or less, once you get crackin').

Two dollars a piece (if you've got extra glass jars around).

One heck of a cute craft (that you cannot screw up).

If you'd like a tutorial, it pretty much goes like this:

Hot glue bottom of adorably tiny tree to inside of mason jar lid.

Sprinkle a pinch of faux snow into jar.

Twist jar closed.

Marvel over the $40 you just saved yourself. :)

But, it should be noted that I'm not the first one to do this. Check out this tutorial if you want more photos and an indepth set of instructions!

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P.S. Big ol' thanks to everyone who popped over to my new Rinse. Repeat. Facebook page! I am loving the chance to share extra photos + chat with you in a new, more frequent way!

on facebook!

2011-12-06T06:55:00.000-06:00

Here's something I've gone back and forth about: Facebook pages for blogs. I've never found it strange that other bloggers had them--usually they're also selling products, services or they're just plain awesome enough to rock a Facebook page. But when I thought about creating one for this blog, I felt a little insecure and silly about it.

Recently I realized that while I love me some blog comments, often I'd love to have a casual dialogue with you, my readers! It's fun to know about your opinions, hear about your day, your holiday plans. Blog comments aren't always conducive to that...while Facebook pages make it incredibly easy to have that relaxed, continual dialogue.

Also, I get reader mail from lots of fantastic girls who don't have blogs, some felt intimidated leaving a comment or had issues navigating the comment page. I'd love to connect with those girls, too! (Or guys. We're equal opportunity around here.)

So, yesterday afternoon I finally made a Rinse. Repeat. Facebook page.

If you want blog updates via Facebook, extra photos or the ability to chat about your love for cake and sweatpants...let's connect! Head on over to my Facebook page and give it a "Like"!

glitzy new years eve invites.

2011-12-05T12:33:00.001-06:00

This weekend it snowed enough to keep me from leaving home most of Saturday. (I'm not complaining!) There were plenty of wise, mature things I could have done while snowed in...of course I did none of them.

Instead I made glittery New Years Eve Engagement Party invitations! Gabe and I are spending New Years Eve in California, at our very full home in Sacramento...with twenty five people. Both our families are getting together to meet for the first time--Gabe's enormous family is driving from around the state and my small fam is flying out from Wisconsin! Our best friends are joining us too...so the house will be full up.

Since we haven't done so yet, we thought New Years Eve might be a great time to celebrate our engagement: a festive little evening at home with lots of food, a pinch of glitter and some good tunes. Our families already know we're having a party, but I couldn't resist making an invite for the occasion.

The invite was pretty easy-peasy: The glitter boxes came straight from the Dollar Tree, and easily held the 3X5 gold embossed invite + a handful of festive hand punched confetti. Add a little paper doily, an embossed initial tag for each fam and a few inches of ribbon...and BAM. You've got yourself an invite.

Have you ever tried embossing? It's such a great way to make an invite a little fancier. Jacin over at Lovely Little Details just posted a fabulous DIY embossing video, which reminded me that I'd not used my supplies in over a year, so I set about building that into the invites. Take a peek at her video--it's a great intro to embossing.

Are you a big New Years Eve fan...do you already have plans? Or do you prefer to sit at home in your PJs, watching the countdown?

the countdown.

2011-11-30T09:23:00.001-06:00

It first happened in a department store, while debating a purchase of new Tupperware. Faint strains of "I'll Be Home for Christmas" floated over the speaker system, and suddenly I realized just how close Gabe is to coming home...he hasn't been in the States for Christmas in years, but this Christmas he'll be home. My eyes got misty and I felt that I might lose it right there in the Tupperware aisle.

"Keep...your crap...together, girlfriend!" I shouted in my head.

I gritted my teeth and narrowed my eyes, attempting to focus harder on plastic leftover containers than any woman in the history of Tupperware. But it was too late. I'd already started thinking about seeing Gabe for the first time in what feels like forever, decorating our tree, making cookies together and snuggling up to watch Rudolph. I lost it right there in the home section of Target...and I wasn't even ashamed.

And now like clockwork, I've started crying at the silliest, mushiest things. This is how I know it's time for Gabe to come home...because without fail I become an absolute sentimental fool once our countdown reaches 30 days or less.

This year feels extremely special. After spending the past twenty-two weeks apart, we're now at two weeks, six days and a handful of hours...until Gabe returns home from Iraq, just in time for Christmas. And although there's a daunting amount of papers, finals and holiday commitments between now and Gabe's arrival, I don't even care. It will all get done. It will all breeze by, and soon I'll be picking him up at my tiny Wisconsin airport, where we've cried our goodbyes many, many times...but have never gotten to say an elated hello.

Not to get all Mariah Carey on you, but I'm going there. The only thing on my Christmas list is the person I'll be picking up at the airport on December 20th.

This year, it is truly the only, only thing I need in this world.

never trust bloggers...they're great liars.

2011-11-22T12:44:00.001-06:00

A few days ago my Seattle blog friend Nellie, who I met at Always Bloggy in Philadelphia last month, emailed to say she'd be stuck in Minneapolis for a work weekend and "would you like to drive up on Friday night for dinner + drinks, and to crash at the hotel?" I replied (with many excited "!!!") that I would love to meet up Friday night...I couldn't believe my luck! Getting to see one of my AB girls just a month after meeting was blowing my ever-lovin' mind.

Fast forward to Friday: I'm frantically packing my bags, Facebooking Nellie with my phone number and tweeting my Always Bloggy girls about seeing Nellie. They tweet back with messages of jealousy.

A few hours later, I'm in downtown Minneapolis, rolling into the lobby of the Radisson, hugging Nellie and jetting up to her room to drop off my bags. We chit-chat on the elevator and down the hallway to the room. As Nellie slides her room key, she says,

"I have to apologize for something...because I kind of lied to you..."

My eyes hit the room and I see the far bed, which is covered with presents, treats and aqua garland. Then I come fully around the corner where I see...my blog friends Shannon, from Philly, and Karen, from Virgina, sitting on the other bed screaming, "SURPRISE!! HAPPY BACHELORETTE PARTY!"

Lest it ever be said that I'm not a spazz, I give you this video. I couldn't stop crying. And jumping. And flapping my hands like I was about to take off in flight.

For a full five minutes, I don't think I stopped spilling tears, even through our champagne toast. Every time I tried to say thank you, or to express how overwhelmed I was, those pesky tears just kept coming.

In part, I cried because I couldn't believe these girls who I'd just met a month ago...all of them with a husband and baby at home...dropped life to come to the freezing Midwest and see me. I was overwhelmed with gratefulness, almost humbled and embarrassed that anyone went to so much work for me. But, I also cried because I absolutely could believe it...I feel the same. Until that moment, I didn't realize how much I'd missed them! I cried because I'd absolutely fly across the country in a heartbeat to see any of them. Because although we just met face-to-face 30 days ago, we've somehow forged what we know are lifelong friendships.

Given that I thought I was just coming up for dinner, I left my camera behind. But we had an amazing weekend together. The girls took plenty of photos (albeit, some of them incriminating) which they're kindly sharing with me...and I shall share them with you later this week! Needless to say, I'm still on Cloud 9 about my early, unexpected Bachelorette Party...my heart still feels pretty freakin' full...

...and I've cried about seven times watching that video. :)

on your side.

2011-11-16T08:26:00.001-06:00

Flowers from Gabe..I always rearrange them in 3-4 smaller mason jar arrangements. :)

Gabe and I have been talking a lot lately about being "on your side". Sometimes it's tough to feel each other's support with miles and hours between us. It can be tricky to feel important when lost in a sea of regular life...especially as it's been five months since we've seen each other's faces.

But, Gabe has a sixth sense for knowing when I'm feeling distant, stressed or less-connected. Lately, my favorite part about having a husband-to-be is that he is someone who I am always "for", and he is always "for me"...even when it's inconvenient. Even when he's worked a 13 hour day and can barely keep his eyes open. Even when I'm being a total pill, he makes the effort to ensure that I feel treasured and loved.

We're a team, and I've really started to feel that lately. When one of us feels like trying less, doesn't have the energy to deal with the details or deal with another day of long-distance love, the other picks it up without missing a beat. Perhaps that's the best part of being opposites. We both have different stressors and strengths, which means we each have a chance to shine in situations the other doesn't excel in.

Indeed, indeed...opposites attract...and sometimes that makes a fantastic team. :)

time.

2011-11-13T23:38:00.000-06:00

Oh my.

Last Tuesday I noticed weeks passed since I last picked up my camera, or shared anything truly personal in this space. Then, after receiving reader emails ensuring I was still alive, I realized how badly I needed to get back here!

Time has just slipped by. Granted, I've been busy, but in the past I always made time for blogging...it happened organically, like remembering to eat lunch or hugging an old friend hello. Yet over the past two months, my urge to share just dried up. It was strange. I've gone over and over it: Have I changed creatively? Am I just being lazy...or have I gotten boring? Am I no longer a creative girl?

But, then it hit me. For the past two months, my emotional energy was thrown into attacking what had bankrupted my joy. Time I once spent blogging was given over to journaling personal thoughts, facing memories, attending twice-weekly counseling sessions. Some days, I want to share that experience--my breakdown, seeking help and the recovery. It's now a part of who I am. But, a piece of me quietly says no. Some things are too personal...and I don't possess the creative ability to express it.

The latter is likely true.

Regardless, I'm returning to this space...close to girl I always was, but a bit stronger and more self aware. Kindly bear with me if I read a like a newborn fawn on his wobbly first walk...

...I'm just learning to trust my own creative legs once again. :)

faq

2011-10-27T08:33:00.000-05:00

(I'm recycling this photo...something I swore I'd never do. But, why reinvent the wheel?!)

Over the past few months I've gotten lots of very specific questions about my bridesmaid boxes and this week I've seen a big ol' flow of traffic (hello, new friends!!) popping over from Pinterest. So, I thought I'd share the FAQ of those sweet little boxes.

Sidenote: I'm one of those girls who likes to know the person behind a project! So, hello, I'm Bethany...and if you want to know a little about me, start here. If you want to know about my wedding...begin here! Also, the internet is crazy, and I heart it. I never thought those lil' boxes would be on my fav wedding blog + a few others, pinned thousands of times, and inspire a handful of other brides to ask their maids in a similar fashion! Whoa. High-five, internet!

Onward to the FAQ!

Where can I get a traceable template for the interior lid?
You can get that right here, just click on "template" in the body of the text. I freehanded mine, I wouldn't recommend it! But when the lovely Wedding Chicks featured my project they were kind enough to create a little downloadable template for you!

What kind of letters were used for the text?
They're just your basic 1.5" adhesive letters from the craftstore! Specifically, I opted for the Thickers brand in "Rainboots". Cause really, does a font name get any cuter than "Rainboots"? No, my friends, no it does not.

What font did you use for the information cards you included?
The font for the body of the text is Traveling Typewriter, and you can download it here. The header font is Learning Curve, available here. Both fonts are free...and fabulous for your font arsenal!

What paint colors, specifically, were used on the box?
I mixed my own blue, using DeltaCreative in Light Ivory and DecoArt Patio Paint in Blue Bahama (available at Michaels). My advice: Get 8 oz. of ivory and 2 oz. of teal, purple, green, aqua or whatever you like and make your own custom color! Test on a popsicle stick...just to see if you like the color on a wood tone before you commit to painting multiple boxes with it. Also, if you're working on this project across the course of a couple days, keep your color consistent by writing down your little paint recipe (ie: 4 drops of green and 10 drops of ivory). Super easy way to stay sane. :)

Where did you find your hankies?
Years ago I was gifted 80+ vintage hankies from a family friend. (I wish I had a better answer!!) But, if you're in the market, I've seen plenty at flea markets, thrift and antique stores (give 'em a wash!), Etsy often has a few and if all else fails you can buy really inexpensive reproductions of vintage hankies on Ebay.

Is there anything else I can include?
Yes, so many other things! Photos of yourself + your girls, sweet treats like macaroons or chocolates, inexpensive jewelry for them to wear on the big day, a special little tube of lipstick, a yummy smelling sachet. Pretty much anything charming and girlie will tickle their fancy.

Really...be honest...how long does this take?
It's not a ten minute project, but it's certainly not a week long project! If you have 5 or less bridesmaids and can gather all your supplies in advance, you can knock it out in one rainy Saturday. I believe in you! Just like every DIY wedding project, if you want to do it...you'll make the time.

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If you have questions I didn't answer...do drop a comment and I'll respond! Thanks for stopping by! :)

always bloggy: how we entertained ourselves.

2011-10-21T02:02:00.002-05:00

After Shannon and I got the girls all doped up on s'mores, got the rustic creative whims out of our system and we all knew each other a tad, Saturday made for a fabulous sight-seeing day.

Now here's where I level with you: If you've been reading my blog for any length of time, you'll notice I'm usually a one photo per post kinda girl. I like things to be just so, and my patience runs out if I'm editing 10-20 photos. (This is why I'll never be a real photographer.) I just don't have the patience to dreamifiy/edit all our touristy shots. Also, most of the shots are ridiculous, and I'm embracing it.

This train is headed straight towards Gritty, Untouched Reality. All aboard!

Our first stop in Philly was the US Post Office...official Numero Uno. We didn't pop in, but we ogled the gorgeous shutters and exterior...and I spent a little time wishing my Post Office looked like this one. It's beyond cute.

And then there was silly photo-taking. Had there been an Always Bloggy Opening Ceremony, I would have demanded Shannon burst through a history doorway...much like this...singing and jazz-handsing her way through a lengthy welcome song. Unfortunately that didn't happen. But she did pose for this photo.

(From left to right: Kate, KP, Shannon, Nellie, Lainey, Ashley and me. Not pictured: Lauren.)

Next we hit up Elfreth's Alley, the oldest street in Philly. The street is dreamylicious and we pondered pitching in to buy one of the pads that was for sale. It would be perfect for the couple** who doesn't mind gaggles of tourists traipsing across the front stoop, wondering loudly why there are so many darn brass pineapples on every door. If you're wondering...pineapples are apparently a sign of welcome. Or wealth. But really...aren't they the same thing? ;)

We stopped for a group photo opp, and feeling especially camera-hammy, I decided to assume the "1999 Volleyball Team Photo Pose". No one loved this more than a pack of Japanese tourists, seen on the right. Shortly after this photo was snapped, they all turned around, started laughing + pointing and then began taking photos of us. We were confused and simultaneously humored by their delight. Shannon made sure to holler, "TAG ME ON FACEBOOK!" as they walked away.

Something tells me she's going to have to tag herself.

**Hint: Gabe, again, Christmas is coming. It's a pad on Elfreth's or a unicorn. Your choice.

Then we hiked our lil' fannies over to the Betsy Ross House, which is the tiniest, sweetest little place I ever did see. Usually I'm a very respectful tourist...but I'm really not sure what happened in Philly. I bought a pan flute in the BR gift shop, and from there on out, I couldn't keep my crap together. I kept giggling at inappropriate times...like when we discovered that BR was thrice a widow, and Kate pitched CSI: Colonial to dig into the mystery. I lost it. I also couldn't keep my hot little hands off that pan flute. I just needed to play a colonial tune. At. All. Times.

I am a tad uncomfortable with historical actors. Faux Betsy Ross was very sweet. But, I always feel foolish if I play along. We all know you're not Betsy Ross. But I respect your creative whims and your wicked old English. Style points.

And then this happened. Right in the middle of a shopping district. It was weird and disturbing.

Next KP sunned herself, and we all peeked through the glass building surrounding the Liberty Bell just long enough to fulfill that item on the checklist. The line to get into the building was obnoxiously lengthy...and as Shannon said, "It's a bell. There's a crack. Done." A through-glass-glimpse was totally enough for me. I'd recommend the same, unless you're a complete history geek.

And then we started accosting helpless statues and sculptures. I've left the saucier photos out, simply so you'll still think me an acceptable member of our society. Also, my mother and grandmother read this blog.

Next it was off to Love Park...and I must be honest: I was a little underwhelmed there. For all the hype that sculpture got in various Art History courses, I thought it would be larger. But it was still charming, and we patiently waited for our chance at the photo-opp spot. Please note that I resisted throwing myself across the ground for this photo, but not because I'd grown too mature. Mainly because we just came from this:

The smelliest parking garage in all of Philly. If I can impart any Philly-travel advice to you, it is this: DO NOT PARK BELOW LOVE PARK. I am certain that all sorts of unsavory, uncouth deeds occur in this garage and its stairwells, as evidenced by the literal cesspool of filth that had built up in the entrance/exit doorways. KP was brave enough to head into the trenches and check for an unlocked door back into the garage. I love her for that.

After this we headed out for a Philly Cheesesteak...and I'd tired of my camera so I left it in the car. But that was a fun experience and I'd be game to high-five another PC sometime soon.

By that point, we were all touristed out and headed back to our hotels or homes for a little afternoon downtime. KP and Nellie weren't tired, so they followed us back to Shannon's house where we all sat around on our computers, looking at blogs. Talking about blogs. Staring silently at our screens from time to time...without feeling the least bit weird.

Now that's a blogger's meet up.

Later in the evening, we met up for a late dinner and drinks at Limoncello Ristorante...which was delicious. Most of us enjoyed a bottle of wine, save sweet Lainey who is still a youngster and gorg Ashley who is preggo (!!)...but they were champs while the rest of us tossed back a few glasses of vino.

Mmkay. If I'm to be honest...it was more than just wine. Limoncello brings a round of, you guessed it...Limoncello to every table at the end of the meal. And then I needed a dessert mixed drink.

At some point during the weekend, I revealed to the girls that I'd never had the true bar experience---just letting yourself get a little wild. This always surprises people, given that I'm from a smaller Wisconsin town where drinking is prevalent. But it's true! I rarely, rarely drink, and have never "gone out drinking".

The girls hopped on fixing that right away.

(KP, Shannon and me.)

On the walk from Limoncello to our bar destination, the four of us got a little ridiculous. Yes! Let's crawl on top of a dumpster and take a photo. That's a fabulous idea.

Inside Iron Hill Brewery, we had premium seats to the street show. And by that I mean we witnessed no less than three street fights, the kind where girls attempt to "hold back" their beau. Oh, and we saw the entire Jersey Shore entourage walk past our window. Okay, not really. But one girl was wearing something so miniscule, I thought perhaps an air-bound tissue happened to be clinging to her body. Not so. It was a dress.

Being the baby of the group and a total bar novice, the girls assumed "older sis" roles by ordering drinks for me and keeping watch over my crazy antics. We jammed to some old school tunes and my mouth didn't stop moving the entire night. I'm pretty sure I shared some incriminating, sordid secrets. They've been kind enough to keep them....so far. ;) Then we returned to Shannon's house, where four of us found ourselves cuddled up in her guest bed, drinking champagne from plastic tumblers.

Unclassy night of drinking with the girls: Check off life list.

On Sunday morning, half of us were feeling a little...slow. But Nellie and KP made up for our sluggishness by jetting over to the grocery store and whipping up some seriously tasty breakfast that got our lazy rears moving. (Have I mentioned I love these girls?)

After that we headed over to Terrain.

(Photo stolen from Shannon. Lauren and me.)

There are not enough words to describe Terrain. Imagine Anthropologie...but no clothing. Wait-no clothing to purchase. You're wearing clothing. This is getting weird. Just luscious home goods, jewelry and outdoor decor. And half of it you can make yourself for $5. Being there with a group of girls who were just stellar made me never wanted to leave.

Sidenote: If I lived in Philly, I'd make Lauren hang out with me all the time. Even if she didn't want to. I loved meeting her.

(Photo also stolen from Shannon! Lainey, Ashley, me, Lauren and KP.)

Shannon instructed us to all grab thick woolen blankets and "snuggle up" 'round the fire. It was 80 degrees. I'm a pretty temp sensitive girl. I've rarely sweat that much in my life. But anything for a good photo opp, right? Shannon says jump and I say, "How high?".

And then it was done. Most of the girls peeled off to catch flights, drive back to Philly or their hometown. I was so sad to see the girls go, and found it hard to believe that the weekend we'd dreamed and planned for months was over. Nellie and I didn't have flights until Monday...so we lingered about Shannon's house and I even packed in a visit to Lizzie Beth, who just welcomed little Baby Hunter days before my arrival! But eventually my Monday flight time rolled around, and Shannon had to take me back to the airport. Both she and I are awkward airport-goodbyers...so we discussed in advance all the uncomfortable things we could say to each other, the tears we could cry and so forth. But we kept it together...and I watched her and adorable baby Gabe drive away without a tear.

Saying goodbye to all the girls was so strange, because I truly knew I'd miss them. But I also knew that I would make the effort to see them again next fall...if not sooner.

For once in my blog history, I will not wax poetic. Mostly because if I start waxing, I'll probably cry. But, I will simply say that I felt like I uncovered some friendship soulmates...something I've only found a few times in life. And you don't throw that away.

Always Bloggy 2012 cannot come soon enough. :)

always bloggy: swag.

2011-10-19T08:16:00.000-05:00

Shannon and I wanted to greet our Always Bloggy girls with a nice lil' bag of Philly swag**...plenty of snacks and a few little keepsakes. Because Shan and John had already snagged these rustic wire baskets while trash-picking to hold our swag bags with snazz, we decided to keep the cute-factor simple by using our nametags as bag decor, then dressing them up with a little glitzy ribbon around the handle.

For those who emailed or asked about the nametags, per Shannon's suggestion I simply used my little award ribbon tutorial, added some gold ribbon and a pin! I was relieved I only had to make 10 of these...they're a little time consuming, but I was blown away by how much the girls loved them. Worth the effort!

On my final day in Philly I realized I'd not snapped a photo of my swag-bag's contents. But, I had this fabulous idea: I could carefully pack my bag in my suitcase, then photograph its contents when I got home. It would greet me at my final destination perfectly intact, I was certain! Ah, how optimistic I can be. All my treats were crushed, and the delicious contents were pouring out of their packages.

So of course, in my devastation...I ate it all. Every crumbled bit.

But, regardless here's a snapshot of the contents. I saved the empty packages...like a good blogger who can't pack a bag or resist treats after returning home at midnight. Just imagine they're full of tasty Philly delicacies, like Hers Chips and Tastycakes.

So, lets all forget that photo or consider it my humbling penance for not photographing when I had the chance. Regardless, Shan and I were pretty pleased with how our bags came out.

And we owe a huge thank you to two companies that kindly donated gifts and treats to our meet-up:

Woozie: Shannon spied these wine glass koozies and knew we needed them for our meet-up. Woozie was ultra generous, donating a monogrammed Woozie for each of our girls. We had so much fun around the campfire breaking in our Woozie's, which not only kept our booze temp juuuust right, but kept all our glasses in the right hands! I can rattle off about seven people I know who need these as Christmas gifts...

(Photo by Shannon. She shared, as my pretzels didn't survive my flight for photographing.)

Pennsylvania General Store: Penn Gen was so kind as to donate a package of five chocolate dipped pretzels for each of our girls. And oh my heavens, ladies. I consider myself a chocolate and sweet treats connoisseur...and you have not had chocolate pretzels until you've eaten these. You can purchase gift baskets right from their online shop...just sayin'. I'll send you my address, friends. ;)

On a sidenote, I've realized I'm the worst on-the-road, on-the-fly amateur photographer. In regular life, I can futz with details, swap out ribbon colors and so forth. Wait for the sun to get just right. But when I'm traveling, I never bring the right lens, I'm tired of carrying my camera, I don't have the right this or that. Or I feel embarrassed that others are watching me fiddle with settings, or that I'm slowing people up.

Is anyone else like me? A little creatively intimidated on the road?

-----------------------------------------

**For the weeks leading up to our Always Bloggy Meet Up, neither Shannon nor I could mention the word "swag" without me saying in my Michael-Scottiest The Office voice, "SWAG. Stuff We All Geeeet..." (A quick video snippet. Not the whole quote. But you get it.)

s'more bar: all the deets.

2011-10-14T11:17:00.000-05:00

Shannon and I decided early that bonfire, s'mores bar and endless wine could squelch any potentially awkward moments that might occur among a group of strangers. If worse came to worse we had at least three fallback topics of conversation:

1. Fire. The ability to avoid eye contact and fill in convo gaps with important updates like, "We better stoke this thing." and group discussions of "Should we throw another log on?" Obviously...very important conversation.
2. Wine and s'mores. Endless conversation. What's good, what's bad. Levels of tipsiness. Tipsy stories. S'mores stories. Tipsy s'mores stories. (Does anyone have those? I do...now.)
3. Weather. I mean, really...we were hoping it wouldn't get to that. But at least gums would be flappin'.

Well, good news! We didn't much discuss any of the above...except when absolutely necessary, like when my wine glass was empty. Which happened precisely four times.

Anyway, I sacrificed a cute pair of heels so I could pack in ribbons, a garland, glitzy signs and other needed craft supplies...and I didn't regret it. Shannon and John had done some trash pickin', as well as hunting for blankets and picking their own house for containers and fabric. We made sure to pat ourselves on the back no less than seventeen times once we pooled everything together and drank in the rustic gorgeousness of it all.

In other words: No one was more impressed than us that we'd actually pulled it off.

We'd done our s'mores bars homework...and our research showed that a s'mores bar could get out of hand with toppings like strawberries, caramel and such . We decided to keep it pretty simple with the basic chocolate and cracker formula, adding a few marshmallow options:

Graham Crackers

Regular Honey Grahams

Chocolate Grahams

Marshmallows

Traditional Jet-Puffed

Jumbo Jet-Puffed

Pina Colada

German Chocolate

Toppings

Hershey's Milk Chocolate

Nutella

Raspberry Dark Chocolate

After8 Mint Chocolate

Reeses Peanut Butter Cups

Even with all that, the traditional s'more seemed to be the most popular option among the girls. And who can blame them? If it ain't broke....you know the rest. And this meant there was plenty of chocolate to munch on throughout the evening and into the weekend.

One of our last minute crafts consisted of a lil' car crafting session, as Shannon steered us toward the airport to pick up one of the girls, and I battled car sickness, attempting not to toss my cookies while making teeny tiny goodie labels for the s'mores bar. Shan had a few sheets of sticker letters, which combined with some glitter paper all the way from Wisconsin worked perfectly to mark each of the snacks.

Also, I talked myself using my own dough to purchase two packages of globe lights from Target for $9.00 a piece. Somehow in my mind I was going to fly them back to Wisconsin...and then to California for our wedding. What?! How did that make sense? Whatevs. It wound up adding the perfect touch, and I left them for Shannon to use at future bonfires.

Throw in a couple of hay bales, a mashed potato bar courtesy of Shannon's hubby...and all told, it was a very fabulous first night at the meet up.

s'more bar sneak peak.

2011-10-13T09:26:00.001-05:00

I've had the toughest time getting my ish together since getting back to Wisconsin. After missing two days of classes while in Philadelphia, I've fallen asleep at 9pm with my nose in a texbook two nights in a row...just trying to catch up. How fabulous.

So, Shan is totally kicking my fannie at sharing details about our meet up, and all I've got is this little sneak peek of the S'mores Bar we threw together for the first night of our blogger's meet up. But come on...it's a pretty cute sneak peek, right?

Eh? Eh? You can forgive me when it's that cute, right?

I'll be back tomorrow with the rest of the S'mores Bar fabulousness.

return from philly.

2011-10-11T11:08:00.000-05:00

The day I left for Philly, I padded down my apartment stairs and across the lawn, towing my weighty wheeled suitcase behind. The trees rustled with brightly colored leaves, and the ground was green, splotched with vibrant fallen leaves. Fall was just beginning. Perhaps, I thought, I'd return home from meeting the blog girls, knowing their faces and calling them good friends.

Yesterday, after eight hours of traveling from Philly, I returned home...I hoisted my hefty suitcase up the porch, over each stair. Bare tree branches clattered above me in the wind and crumbly brown leaves crunched below my feet. So much changed in one weekend. Fall had come and gone. And I was returning home, with a bucket full of memories and more than a handful of new friendships, which somehow felt far from new...and more like old, tried and true.

My newfound friends lovingly named me "Unicorns", after Shannon and the others agreed that my world seems as glittery and charmed as a Lisa Frank poster. I laughed so hard at this thought, because that's just one portion of me. The girl who loves whimsy, romance and crafts is very much me...it inspires me creatively. I love me some pastels. You bet I feature the sunshine and glitter...but if you think that's my entire world, I am sorry to tell you that I don't even own a unicorn. Can you believe it?! (Note to Gabe--Christmas is coming...)

Behind the glitter and crafts, beyond this space that I keep for reflection, connection, writing and creativity, my very nearest pals will confirm that I am kooky. My apartment is rarely spotless. I'm not too ladylike to cuss. Not too picky to eat Taco Bell several times a week. Not too buttoned up to have a drink...or three. And never too grown up to make an fool of myself in hopes of a few laughs. Yet, it's not often that I completely reveal that kook inside--only among my very closest friends.

And here was the best part about this weekend: My new friends brought out the kook in me. They got it...they understood that behind every blog--whether devoted to whimsy, food, home decor, family or hilarious stories about in-laws--there was a real girl that showed up...a real person with flaws, a sense of humor and a very real life. My hair was down. I was kooktastic. And glittery. Occasionally crass, and occasionally cheesy. Dressed up, dressed down. Often acting completely ridiculous.

It was the best, and exactly what I needed in so many ways.

I can't wait to wade through my photos and share. Since I walked in my house at midnight, I've got a full day of classes and unpacking before I can get to editing and sharing. So in the meantime, you'll have to pop over to Shannon or Kate's posts for a little wrap up!

philly update + pretty in pink.

2011-10-07T09:00:00.000-05:00

Look who greeted me at the airport yesterday....little baby Gabe, with a fan club sign and everything! He isn't so little anymore...he walks like a real boy. It's super trippy. We've become fast friends and he's sitting on my lap as I type this. Kgemttggggnssftfii. And a Cheerio was just hurled on the keyboard. In other words, hello from Gabe. :)

Oh---Shannon was there, too. Not like there was any question, but we get along famously, and she's as hilarious and fun on the spot as she is on her blog. I'm pretty sure I've peed myself laughing at least seven times. It was embarassing, but at least it wasn't on their good couch....

What am I even saying? I don't know. I'm riding the blog-life to real-life high and having such a great time. We've got a list of obscure tasks today like, "Hunt down midget bar" and "Find sticks"....and here I am still in my PJs, drinkin' in as much Gabey cuddle time as possible.

But I've got to get a move on! But before that happens, here are the Pretty in Pink pictures for the week!

The lovely Brandi.

A snuggled up D workin' the pink.

Shannon, who got this sweet "Fight like a girl" breast cancer tattoo...she always wears pink!

Jazmin, who climbed Mount Whitney while wearing pink!

And Tabitha, who just walked in the Susan G. Komen race in Portland!

Thanks to everyone who submitted...keep 'em coming, girls! You can submit photos every week! :) I'm off to look for sticks. And color coordinated ribbon. And twinkly lights.

Happy weekend!

wingin' my way.

2011-10-05T15:16:00.000-05:00

(Little details of our meet up weekend.)

You know what's wild? Tomorrow morning, at the crack of 4am, I leave for the airport. On a trip where I will vacation with ten girls I don't know. Yes! I'm my way to our Always Bloggy in Philadelphia Meet Up.

Shannon and I have had so much fun planning all the little details--in depth conversations about the exact hue of "raspberry" and solemnly swearing not to judge each other's constant outfit changes or other odd habits. In a way, meeting up is a strange experience--mostly due to nerves about the in person me. I'm so socially awkward! But in another way, it's not strange at all! A few of the girls I've known for three years--we've read each other's blogs through job changes, engagements, marriages and babies. I remember their birthdays, their anniversaries, funny anecdotes from their lives and the times I wish we could have chatted about all of it over a couple of margaritas.

I cannot wait to go from calling all of them "my internet friends" to simply "my friends". I do believe that's officially done with a hug and a smile. But for tonight, I'm off to celebrate my mom's birthday...and then I'll burn the midnight oil cramming 16 days of clothing (for a 4 day trip) into a 24" suitcase.

In the meantime: Wear something pink. Do it. Then snap a photo and email it to me at wwrinserepeat@gmail.com. Look for your photo on Friday when I post the Pretty in Pink Round up, and know that $1.00 is headed to help fight breast cancer...just because you wore pink.

the plan for october: pretty in pink.

2011-10-04T09:39:00.000-05:00

I was fifteen when they found the lump. My mother was forty, and went in for a mammogram which produced a furrowed brow and less-than-reassuring words from her doctor. She was sent off for a biopsy. And then we nervously waited, each hour feeling longer than a day. Waited and waited.

Several days later we got the news--it wasn't breast cancer. I've never been so relieved, because I'm not entirely certain who I would be if something happened to my mother. She's the peanut butter that keeps our family sandwich together. And I like that sandwich.

But, sadly, not every family's story is the same. For some, a biopsy is just the start of a long, exhausting battle. So, I'm taking the month of October to honor those who have battled breast cancer.

This month, I'll be hosting Pretty in Pink Fridays. Here's how it works: Throughout the week, email me (wwrinserepeat@gmail.com) a picture of you wearing pink--intentionally or unintentionally--anything pink! Pink hairbow, pink fingernails, pink cardi, pink jewelry. Anything goes! On Friday, I'll showcase all the girls (or guys?) who took time to support the cause by wearing pink + sending a photo...and then I'll donate $1.00 to Susan G. Komen for the Cure for every photo in the round-up!

And...at some point this month, I'll be doing a giveaway featuring a few really sweet pink items.

Sound like a deal? Alright. Let's rock, October!

bookish.

2011-10-03T09:37:00.001-05:00

Before Gabe and I met face to face, he sent me a few little gifts....and several embarrassing displays of peonies at my office, over which I feigned "secret admirer", lest I be forced to explain exactly who had sent them. Eventually my officemates unscrambled the puzzle.

One of the first gifts he sent was an early 1900's copy of Jane Austen's Persuasion, a story about missed romantic opportunities, pining and other heart-thumping sub-plots. (Subliminal message much, love?) It's one of the best gifts I've received, especially given that I'd not told Gabe that I love Jane Austen. And it's really the most beautiful book--cognac brown leather, golden-tipped pages and aqua swirled interior. It sat in a prominent spot on my shelf for the past year and I've not yet cracked it with true intent to read. Often I just hold it and wonder why they don't make beautiful books any more.

But now Persuasion sits on my nightstand. I'm attempting to dive in. While there is rewarding romance within the pages, reading Jane Austen is work. It's not an easy-breezy beach read, and often I find my mind has wondered off mid-page.

And, I'm tempted to watch the film first...build an emotional connection with the characters, then tackle the book. But, I realize that's the lazy man's approach to book reading and likely not as rewarding. Or perhaps not?

Do you usually prefer the book or the movie version of storylines? Which do you tackle first--the pages or the theater?

P.S. I finally watched the new Jane Eyre movie this weekend. So fantastic. Cry. Cry. Cry.

dreamland.

2011-09-27T10:20:00.001-05:00

I've been having the strangest dreams ever.

A few nights ago I dreamt that Gabe was lost in Iraq, and no one would help me find him. In my next dream, I showed up to my wedding without having written my vows--as an expressive girl, showing up with a blank sheet is pretty much my worst nightmare. Next, in dreamland I was on an eternal road trip after losing my luggage...wearing the same thing day after day after day while searching for my lost suitcase.

I rarely remember my dreams. And when I do, they're not stressful. What is up with all that. And yet while they're a little pesky, I'm oddly fascinated by this little psychological dreamland turn.

Are you a dream-rememberer, or do you forget within moments of waking? And do you think dreams really mean anything, or are they like clouds passing--open to whatever interpretation the viewer sees fit?

how we celebrated.

2011-09-26T04:00:00.000-05:00

Above all other birthday hopes and dreams, I wanted Gabe to open his birthday box and find a cake. Like a real "ooh--ahhh" birthday cake. Sending a fully-assembled birthday cake wasn't an option--a good cake with frosting wouldn't stand up to the two week delay or the sticky temps that it would face in the middle east. But, I wasn't compromising on this. So, I schemed a bit and decided to send a drier cake, with frosting and sprinkles on the side, cheerfully compartmentalized in a faux tiered birthday cake. Yeah...I went there. I made a cake, and then I made a faux cake to hold the real unassembled cake. That's how badly I wanted this moment.

According to my research a brownie cake sans butter and frosting holds up well for overseas shipping. I opted for that approach, wrapped the cake very tightly and placed it in the bottom tier of the faux cake. Then, in the other smaller tiers I placed sealed frosting and sprinkles. I covered the gift boxes with a funky textured paper to give it that homemade frosting feel...and used ribbon around the top of each tier like piped frosting. Hot glue a few faux birthday candles and craft a lil' cake topper...and...

BAM. Ship-Friendly-Oooh-Aaah-Birthday-Cake-Moment with enclosed decorate it yourself birthday cake...and virtually no fears of smooshed, rotten cake arriving to greet my loved one!

We both set aside our Saturday for an extended Skype date...which was so very much fun. It started with me honking on a birthday noisemaker for about five minutes, yelling, "Happybirthdayhappybirthday!!!" , then progressed to both of us donning goofy party hats....my singing the most ridiculous Happy Birthday rendition and lighting a mini-cake on fire with about 20 candles, while Gabe assembled the brownie cake on his side.

Then we got to the good part: the birthday gift. It's something that's always felt funny to me, buying your spouse or fiancee a spendy gift with their money. So, I quietly worked at my old office a few days a week this summer, tucking away my earnings into a "Birthday Bank" that eventually grew into....

...the iPad2. Gabe gifted me an iPad2 this summer, complete with sentimental engraving. The best thing I could do was put us in an equally nerdy boat, complete with sentimental engraving:

To the one I travel the world with,

And the one who is my world**

He loved it. Later we snuggled in to watch Bridesmaids while Skyping...we laughed our rears off. Then we chatted for a few hours before we were too exhausted to try to make any more conversation.

All told it was nearly a five hour birthday Skype affair. For being 6,000 miles apart...it wasn't a shabby birthday at all. Gabe says it was his best b-day yet. I know that's not smoke because he said it in his choked-up, "trying not to cry to maintain my masculine tough-guy image" voice .

And that voice never lies. :)

**English sticklers, I am sorry. I'm certain there's something off in that first line. But given Apple's engraving space limitations, you're gonna have to deal with the fact that I soiled the English language on my fiancee's iPad. Forever.

we interrupt your day for...b-day jazz hands.

2011-09-23T11:38:00.000-05:00

In just a few hours, my love turns 35. (If you just did the math---we're 10 years apart. Scandal!) I sent a birthday package a few weeks in advance and we're set for a Bridesmaids movie Skype date + gift opening tomorrow evening. In the meantime, I'm dreaming of a future where birthdays can be spent face to face.

So, sweetheart...happy birthday. Last year I bought your birthday card from the "Blank" section--we'd just met. This year, I found your card filed under "Husband". I guess we move fast...and that's so exciting. I cannot wait to marry you. I won't say "pretend I made you a birthday dinner", cause we both know that's too far removed from reality. But, pretend I shaved my legs, put on that Anthropologie dress you bought me (which I've never worn), took you to Ruth's Chris Steak House and bought you the beefiest steak on the menu.

And then, pretend I read this little list to you in person.

35 Reasons Why I Love You

because you're the perfect right-brained compliment to my left brained craziness.
because you treat my best friend like a queen.
because when you drink too much, you speak nonstop--often in technie jargon. and its hilarious.
because you encourage me to chase rainbows. quite literally.
because you have such a soft spot for your nieces and nephews.
because you use the funniest baby voice when you talk to doggies.
because you are deathly afraid of bees...given your tough navy persona, this makes me giggle.
because you wear the black-rimmed nerd glasses just for me. and you hate them.
because when i say, "okay..." you know i mean, "not okay...".
because you always make me feel safe.
because you have the same unhealthy relationship with mac and cheese as i do.
because you never make me feel silly for taking photos of flowers, coffee cups, cake and benches.
because you love me through periods of depression, anxiety and inferiority, never once exasperated with me.
because you turned "my dreams" into "our dreams".
because every day you tell me "i love you" and "you're beautiful".
because you never get frustrated when i explain computer + tv problems like, "you know, that stuff that does that thing? it's doing this thing...."
because you always carry the camera bag when we travel. even on a 20 hour travel day.
because we agree on baby names.
because when we play the "Peugeot" car game in Europe, you never punch me as hard as I punch you.
because you converted to dr. pepper.
because we can agree to disagree on some "hot button" issues...and neither of us worry about it.
because you're such an early riser...you put me to shame.
because you always let me have the chaise portion of the sectional sofa. now that's love.
because you remember my very favorite breakfast cereal, and keep stocked at our house in california.
because you talk about "the kids" whenever we're at the house, chatting about what to do with the yard. i'm pretty sure that's referring to our "someday" kids. :)
because you always try to upgrade my flights using your oodles of miles.
because we both love nerdy documentaries. (just please...no more about the water crisis.)
because i'm the least classy gal alive, but you're never embarrassed to take me to swanky places.
because you've got so many stories.
because you let me nap whenever we're on a road trip, happy to drive while i sleep.
because i'm pretty sure you have a photographic memory ONLY for "how i met your mother" episodes.
because you are a fabulous cook. i'm not...and you're A-okay with that.
because last time we fought, you went upstairs to vaccuum and "blow off steam". how cute.
because you're not afraid of PDA.
because just when i think i couldn't love you more...i do.

Happy birthday, my heart. I love you more than words can say. :)

the wedding diaries: the ceremony.

2011-09-21T04:00:00.014-05:00

(Photo by me. Words, my vow-inspiration, by lovely Jane Austen.)

Neither Gabe nor I feel particularly bound by religious wedding-ceremony traditions. A few years ago I got all wild and left the very conservative Lutheran church of my youth*. Gabe was raised Catholic, but doesn't feel strongly about incorporating those traditions on our big day. We want our ceremony to be godly, loving and reflective of who we are...all told, our ceremony should be the easiest piece of the wedding puzzle.

And yet even with this freedom, the ceremony is one piece that I'd rather not plan. At all. I'd like to hot potato that sucker on to someone else and call "Not it!!" in the event that a guest take offense at our less-conservative ceremony. Don't get me wrong: We love God. But, we're not the preachy type. Not the buttoned-up 10 minute prayer, lengthy Bible-reading, formal 30 minute wedding sermon and seven hymns type. While we want to incorporate some religious pieces, we'd like to use quotes, passages from literature and secular songs to supplement other parts of the ceremony.

Label me a pessimist, but I just feel an incident headed my way if I don't plan our ceremony carefully. A handful of people I know would likely be offended by our incorporating of secular readings + music. And truth be told: It's my biggest wedding stress. While I want to avoid incident, I also refuse to mold our ceremony into a buttoned up conservative church service...something that isn't us, solely to pacify others.

So, I'm in need of some help: Are there any wise ways to plan a ceremony that reflects you as a couple...while still appeasing guests who might have strong religious opinions?

Additionally, I'm a long-time fan of writing personal vows...something I didn't see at weddings I attended prior to leaving my church. Any stellar resources, quotes or passages for vow inspiration?

*This is the ultra-abbreviated version. I don't mean to be flippant, but it's a long, emotionally-exhausting tale. We'll leave it short and sweet.

i believe in weddings.

2011-09-19T09:03:00.000-05:00

I still have dreams of eloping--of skipping all the wedding choices, the stress and the expense...cutting straight to "I Do". Gabriel knows me too well and will have none of this elopement talk--all too aware that I'd spend the rest of my life bemoaning never picking out flowers or first dance tunes.

But...my mind changed this Saturday, when I was lucky enough to play wedding photographer for a dear, dear family friend. And from hairdo to "I do", I was with the bride...watching all the little moments that a wedding day brings. While my dad and sis worked to organize + capture all the posed shots, I snuck away to snap photos of shoes, dresses, bouquets and blue handkerchiefs. All the beautiful details that brides spend sleepless nights coordinating and seeing through.

It was such a heartfelt day, so beautiful and yet not overly fussy. I even snatched a few adorable reception ideas that I'd not bumped into previously. I couldn't help but think, "I want this. I want all this!" The whole day made me a wedding believer. I believe in weddings...for the first time in a long, long time.

Once we'd snapped all the big moments we kicked off our shoes, tossed back a few drinks and danced the night away...and things got wildly out of character*. A babyfaced 21-year-old boy flirted with me for at least 20 minutes, and in my overwhelmed wave of flattery...I bought him a drink. (I am cougar. Hear me roar.) Guilt-ridden over the fact that I'd just bought another man a drink, I texted my fiance to confess the purchased drink, and he agreed that it was worth every penny for the much-needed ego boost.

...and that's why Reason #236 why I'm marrying him. Because he gets it.

*Sidenote: This Saturday night sweatpants + takeout kind of girl really surprised herself. I'll have you know that I did turn down Babyface's request to slow dance. I mean, a girl's got a reputation to upkeep. ;)

wordless wednesday.

2011-09-14T11:47:00.000-05:00

(Taken by me at Versailles. Someday--go there.)

Wordless Wednesday? Who am I kidding...I could never go word-free 'round here. The closest you'll get is "word-lite". So, I'll spare you all the psycho-babble, the artsy fartsy reasonings behind why this photo is particularly applicable to my life today.

Instead, I'll tell you that I had my first heart-to-heart appointment with my counselor today. An appointment that was more than paperwork and checkboxes. She felt like a wise, kind friend with an ultra cushy chair just for me. It was enlightening. And warm. I cried my eyes out, and didn't feel silly or judged for one solitary second.

There is so much warmth and light to be had in this world, if only you stand up and say one little word: Help. Throwing in a "please" in doesn't hurt, either. :)

Happy Wednesday. :)

on teachers.

2011-09-13T08:05:00.000-05:00

In sixth grade, I had the most amazing teacher, Mrs. Libby. She was the first teacher who I felt understood that we were all little human beings with creative thoughts, ideas and emotions worthy of expressing. Sure, my classmates and I lacked the ability to properly express those ideas and possessed a cumulative smell of rank BO. But she was spunky and she got us. She was an out of box thinker, and read to us from books like The BFG, allowing us to snicker at words like "whizzpopper" and "snozzcumber".

Later, that sixth grade teacher would hand me my first grown up job at a non-profit, where I worked for 5 years, made some lifelong friendships and learned seventeen billion things about the grown up world. Moral of the story...sixth grade teachers can change your life. Be nice to them.

But all that aside, one of my favorite things about Mrs. Libby was this: Every afternoon following lunch and recess, she wrote a Rebus word teaser on the chalkboard. We all quietly raced to decode it. As a girl who struggled with social anxiety, lunch and recess time was the hardest part of the day. But Rebus time was my saving grace. It meant the scary part of the day was through. All was quiet and I could churn in my own mind, melt away to that quiet little cave where my stomach didn't ache and my heart didn't race.

All this had been pushed into my cluttered-attic of a mind until a few nights ago, when I mentally tripped across a Rebus puzzle and started unstacking countless other memories from sixth grade. Suddenly I understood the difference between a teacher and a great teacher: A great teacher makes sure you remember Rebus puzzles and snozzcucumbers years down the road. They create opportunities for expression by planning zombie parties, they spend their precious summer crafting medieval art tattoos. Truly great teachers make you a valuable piece of the classroom and create experiences you'll remember in fifteen years...when you're up late watching American Pickers and eating Cheese Doodles.

Granted, these great teachers are all trumped by the rarest form of teacher, one I've been lucky to have: Hot British Drawing Instructor with Foxy Accent. But hey--kudos for trying, great teachers. :)

Do you have a favorite all-time teacher? What made your teach exceptional?

i believe in reciliency.

2011-09-12T08:31:00.001-05:00

I was fifteen when I woke on September 11, 2011. In my world, planes were only hijacked in movies, and buildings only fell out of the sky during demolitions in Las Vegas, in preparation for the next big casino. So at 9:20 am, when my algebra teacher attempted to explain what happened to my world, I couldn't understand. Most of us didn't even know what the World Trade Center was. It was all so mucky.

"Your world has completely changed," my mother said that night at dinner. "Boys you know, maybe your classmates, will go off to war. It will never be the same."

Three days later, a Friday, I faked sick, curled up on the couch and watched nonstop coverage. I couldn't stop crying. But among the emotional wreckage, there were strangely beautiful moments to be found. Like men carrying strangers out of falling buildings, stories of those who had sacrificed themselves to save a friend or footage from countries all over the world who donned red, white and blue and sang God Bless America.

Yesterday I felt the same. I was sucked into hours of History channel specials, playing every bit of footage from September 11. It is still so tragic. So fresh. So devastating. And yet so hopeful.

They may have changed us. They may have ushered in a world of impossibly minuscule travel shampoos and 1 quart Ziploc bags. An era of body scans and barefoot TSA moments. They may have masterminded a period of vulnerability, in which our stomachs flutter at the thought of boarding a plane or subway.

But we still love, perhaps deeper than before. We continue to take pride in our country, our freedom and the values on which our nation was founded.

We are forever changed. But we have not lost. We now understand tenfold that every day is a gift...and in many, many ways...that means we have won.

a million little thank yous.

2011-09-09T08:42:00.001-05:00

I shot this in Paris...when I spotted two children chasing bubbles in the
Jardin des Tuileries. It never ceases to make me feel happy + carefree.

There are not enough words to thank everyone who reached out to me yesterday. The comments and the emails were incredible...like a shower of glitter on a day that desperately needed some sparkle. After several rounds of paperwork and twenty minutes of answering the basics, I was referred to a marriage + family counselor who also specializes in eating disorders, which is likely where some of my anxiety and depression stems. (In a big way. I believe I "yessed" every eating disorder-related question. I never realized it was so bad.)

Once I left the on-campus counseling center, I laid in the grass and indulged in a 45 minute daydream. It was the most amazing I've felt in weeks. My thoughts didn't race. My heart didn't pound. I didn't think about food. Or my pants size. In simply seeking help, I feel I've found a bit of peace. Although there's tough work to do ahead, knowing that I don't walk alone has given me hope.

If you emailed me with questions or advice, I so appreciate it and will be getting back to you this weekend! I'm a bit emotionally zapped today, so I'm planning to step away from the computer and just enjoy life.

Funny sidenote: Yesterday morning, on my way to my counseling appointment my car overheated. Yeah, funny. On my way to my ANXIETY counseling...my car stopped working. High five, life! :)

the first step is the hardest.

2011-09-08T07:22:00.000-05:00

Today I have scary butterflies in my stomach.

Today I will tell a stranger all the ways in which I am not okay.

Today I will be raw.

And, today I will be brave.

While I've written about my struggles with mental health, today is the first I've sought ongoing professional help in my battle with depression, anxiety and body image. I should have done this years ago, because I deserve to be happy and healthy. Because I am worthy of being whole. But, anxiety can't be seen on an x-ray and no one can run your bloodwork to prove that you're low on Happy Juice, so it's easy to push away signs that you need help.

But, in ten months, I will no longer be a "me"...I'll become a "we". A team. Even among the excitment of engagement and wedding-planning, the past few months have been harder than I've faced in a while. In my heart, I long to be the best wife for Gabriel, to be his sunshine. A wife who is comfortable in her own body, and doesn't cry if she gains half a pound. A wife who can set aside social anxieties and not plan her day around panic attacks. And someday, a mother who will raise little girls to be soft, yet strong. To live without fear. To love themselves just as they are, and to see that life is so, so very good.

They say the first step is the hardest...this step was rock hard and humbling. But for myself, for Gabriel and for our someday-family I am admitting that I cannot do it alone. At least for a little while, I need someone to walk with me.

how to: make one dollar wall art.

2011-09-07T05:00:00.000-05:00

Happy girls are the prettiest.--Audrey Hepburn

Lately I've been having the trickiest time getting to sleep, as well as the strangest dreams. The other night after waking up from a scary dream, I laid awake in bed for about twenty minutes staring at the blank wall across from my bed. And then it hit me. Wire wall art. I needed to make some. A quote to cheer up the blank wall I stare at during my 2am wake up sessions. So, I grabbed the closest permanent marker, scrawled "WIRE WALL ART" on my palm, and prayed I wouldn't wake with it on my cheek. (I didn't.) The next morning I woke and did just that. Wall art: check!

It took a few hours, but that's likely because I'm an ADD crafter who alternates between several crafts at once. But the best part of all: I only spent $0.99, and have at least 75 feet of wire left should I ever need copious amounts of galvanized wire...

Anyway, here's how I created it! You will need:

1 100 ft. spool of 18-gauge galvanized wire (I found this in the automotive dept. for $0.99)

1 pliers

1 hot glue gun

1 can of spray paint

1. Using Microsoft Word, create + print a template for your word or phrase in the size and font style you'd like on your wall. I used Learning Curve (available here) because it has size continuity from letter to letter, as well as a continuous loop--it made for easy wire sculpting!

2. Cut off a length of wire by bending the wire back and forth with a pliers--after several seconds it will get warm and break from the roll. (Word to the wise: it takes more than you might think--cut a generous amount!)

3. Begin to form the letters, following the letter pattern on your paper. Kind of like tracing over the top of it with wire. I formed mine just like I would write in cursive--lots of doubling back with stems and loops! It helps to use a pliers to manipulate the wire...especially so you can really smooth out any kinks or smoosh together stems of letters like "p" or "t", if you've doubled back, cursive-style. Your hands might get a little tired, so take your time!

4. Once your word is finished, cut off any excess wire. Use excess wire to form crossbars of the letter "t" or dots for "i" or "j". I attached my crossbars with a lil' hot glue. I formed my "i" by creating a little wire spiral, and then looping that through the top of the "i" and pinching tight with the pliers. Feel free to also hot glue together any loops that won't stay crossed in the right place.

5. Spray paint black and let dry.

6. Hang. And love!

I rarely like my own DIY projects, but I've been loving this. I attached a few felt flowers to the wall, too, to keep it ultra cheery. Don't worry about being perfect. Imperfections only make it look sweeter! And that's my favorite kind of craft.

her name is...

2011-09-06T04:00:00.001-05:00

I knew something was brewing yesterday when my mom asked me to stop by the house with my camera, so she could snap some photos of a craft project. Infact, two flags were raised from this request:

1. My mother is not a crafter.

2. My father owns about 567,345 bajillion cameras that are nicer than mine.

But the offer came with free pizza, so of course I showed. And who should greet me in the driveway? The sweetest lab-mix you've ever met, complete with a pink bow! This weekend, my parents had adopted 5-year-old Winnie, fully housebroken and fully trained.

Last month, our kitten passed away and contrary to all "pet-grief" guidelines, my sis and I had already started the dialogue on getting a new pet...but it seems our parents beat us to the punch! While I'll always have a soft spot for puppies (Gabe has promised we'll get one someday)...it is nice that Winnie's energy has leveled out, and that we won't find her wetting on the carpet!

Unfortunately Winnie doesn't have a hot career as a doggie model--the poor thing couldn't quite sit still long enough for me to capture her. She was much more interested in taking her fourth (!!) walk of the day and the six bacon treats stuffed in my back pocket.

(My mom, sis and Winnie on our walk.)

If there's any silver lining to be found in losing a pet it is this: life has given you the chance to fall in love with a new pet all over again, even sooner than you thought you could.

And after a round of teary goodbyes, a new hello is so very welcome.

i believe in mondays: holiday edition.

2011-09-05T05:00:00.041-05:00

Here in the states, it's Labor Day. Which means we...uh, do nothing and take a random day off of life. Hurrah! But it's still Monday, which means I've got to kick off my creative mojo.

This week, I believe...

...in faux birthday candles. I'm knee-deep in crafting Gabe's birthday care package and am a little behind schedule. Something tells me that real candles + matches sent through international mail might be flagged and slowed down. So I threw together a few cute faux sparklers using cut straws, washi tape and gold ric-a-rac.

...in whipping up $1.00 wall art. For reals. I'll share tomorrow! (Update: I lied. I got a puppy, which took precedence over wall art. Cross my heart I'll share on Wednesday!)

...in dreading the start of school. Will pay money for one more week of summer.

...in getting Gabe the perfect b-day gift. He'll be 35, which feels like a landmark b-day, so I've really gotta knock it out of the park this year.

...in outing yourself as a closet Save-to-Desktoper. My name is Bethany, and I'm a serial Save to Desktoper. Whew.

...in eating an entire slice of cake from the grocery store bakery to celebrate...being alive? Tolerable temperatures? A holiday weekend? Screw it. Who needs a reason. It was delicious.

...that everything could use a little glitter. And then a little more.

Muchas gracias for your support on this post. And just to clarify due to questions: the blog (which shall remain nameless, because I don't want to play dirty!) didn't blatantly steal my photos. But, the photo + project credit provided linked to another blog that had used my work. Certainly not cruel-hearted theft--I'm sure lack of credits or miscredits rarely are--but this type of crediting is still part of the problem. It creates a murky string of sources, rather than a crisp, direct credit to the original source.

But on a sunny note, I've also found so, so many bloggers that are careful and passionate about crediting! It all comes back to the "blogs are like homes" analogy. Most people are very kind and careful about being in each others' spaces or borrowing each others' things. And for that I'm happy!

the tale of two bloggers.

2011-09-02T07:18:00.004-05:00

This post is a little more buttoned up than usual. Please don't find me a snob.

For the first time ever in my blogging history, I am nervous to press "Publish". But this little pesky problem has been buzzing for the past few weeks. I tried to push it away because I am afraid to write about it, afraid that it might be read in an unkind light and that indirectly I'll leave another blogger feeling awful. But I keep discovering more and more of this. It's like an epidemic! Please know that this post comes from a place of warmth, of wanting us all to play fair. And that I'm not attempting to shame those who simply didn't know. And so I shall start by telling you a tale.

Once upon a time there were two bloggers.

Although they did not know of each other, they were both beautiful, creative and inspired girls. They loved to sit at their desks, white desks with vintage pencil cups, to write beautiful things. Each girl connected with friends from worlds away and added something wonderful to their niche of the blogosphere.

One afternoon, Blogger A spent the day setting up a photo scene outside. It was sweltering, but she was determined. She set up her camera and took a few test shots. Swapped out different props. She stood on wobbly stools to snap different angles. Waited for the sun to go down a little further. Took more photos. Then she uploaded all the photos to her computer, combed through them and meticulously edited them in Photoshop. She then uploaded the photos to her blog and wrote all about the images and her day.

That same day, Blogger B finds these pictures on Pinterest. She loves the way Blogger A's photos pair with what she has to say that day, saves them to her computer and uploads them to blogger. She writes something desperately lovely about her world. She can't quite remember where she saw these photos...so she posts them without listing the original source.

Both girls provided content their readers enjoyed and checked off "Blog for the day!" from their To-Do list. Blogger B saved a lot of time by not shooting her own photos. (Way to go, smart girl!) But, contrary to how it might appear, her post wasn't just hers. Someone else collected all the vintage items for that photo. Someone else toted their camera around in 90 degree weather to make sure those moments were captured. Someone else spent their Friday night editing those photos. Someone else deserves to be mentioned for what they've lent to the post.

Ah, yes. Crediting sources. When I began blogging, I didn't quite grasp that it was legally necessary to list a credit. Especially one to the original source. I just thought it was "nice", and usually did so. But I'm sure I've flubbed a few times. There's a little learning curve when you join the blogosphere--right out the gate mandatory credits didn't come to mind. In time, by reading other blogs, I understood that it wasn't just "nice"...it was what you do. A thank you for using someone's creative baby. You just do it and it takes 10 seconds. Recently, when a blog with thousands of followers used several of my photos without mentioning or directly crediting me, I was so disappointed. Mostly because a well-established blog should have known better, should have set an example for their readers.

We all have rights in the blogosphere. The right to be inspired. The right to be treated kindly. The right to connect with others. And mostly, the right to be credited when we inspire others. Being credited opens new doors--new readers come your way and with that comes new friendships, new blogs to read and so much more inspiration. Sometimes even big, big opportunities come your way because one kind soul shares your name + link.

As Bloggers...no matter how big or small, how new or old...we are responsible for following the rules. For playing nice. If a blogger loves a photo enough to post it to her blog, she will love it enough to spend 10 seconds honoring the creative mind behind it by typing a credit + inserting a link. But if she's fully aware of the need to credit, and yet repeatedly ignores the need to play nice...she clearly don't love the photo enough. And who wants to read a blog full of lukewarm feelings?

Not me, I've decided. Not anymore.

If you're unsure of when + how to credit an image (it's okay! not long ago, I was unsure...don't feel badly!), I suggest a quick pop over to this article at Frolic!, where Chelsea clarifies what is and is not okay. Additionally, here's a super fun chart for figuring out if you should post an image. Go forth and credit, my friends! :)

funkytown.

2011-09-01T04:00:00.007-05:00

I've been in this uninspired funk for the past two days where life is a little dull. Perhaps it's the winding down of summer--ticking off all the "To Dos" that I "To Didn't". It could be that school is starting up in a week, and with it comes a fresh batch of intense anxiety. Maybe it's coming down from Cloud 9, exciting vacations, visiting guests and getting engaged. Could be that I need a girls' night out. But no matter how I slice it, it comes back to one thing.

I just miss my fiance. We've knocked out two of the six months between visits...and that's exciting. Yet it seems that with every separation I have this breakdown at month #2 in which I find myself sobbing into nachos and binging on reality TV. I've Youtubed laughing babies. And baby goats. All my usual tricks, and I'm still feeling a smidge down.

Got any good pick-me-up tips? I could use them. :)

a well traveled cardigan.

2011-08-31T08:17:00.001-05:00

Yes. I am rocking baby's breath. It feels so awesomely 1990's.

Last summer, I picked out this very, very green Anthropologie cardigan for my trip to Ireland...where, as I've said many times, I met my husband-to-be and wore it on one of our first dates. A few months ago my friends, who are also my wedding photographers, borrowed the cardi and my little globe collection for a stylized library themed wedding shoot.

When I made my daily stop by Style Me Pretty yesterday, I started screaming, ""That's my CARDIGAN! ON STYLE ME PRETTY! THAT'S MY CARDIGAN!! EEK!" Then I realized how silly + self-absorbed I sounded, and changed my shouts to, "Those are my FRIENDS! On Style Me Pretty!! Those are my wedding photographers!!!"

Sure enough, there was Jeff and Jess's little creative baby, a geek-chic library wedding, on the biggest wedding blog known to brides! My self-absorbed cardigan squealing aside, I am beyond jazzed for them. As friends and now as my wedding photographers, I cannot stop glowing with happiness over their creative successes--they're the most inspired, kind, creative couple you could ever meet. And I know this creative baby was an overhaul--counting the number of hours Jess put into folding little paper airplanes, collecting funky books + hunting down the perfect chairs would leave me dizzy.

After seeing their images posted to Style Me Pretty, I immediately changed into my green cardi in honor of their success and danced a little happy dance. You must go have a peek--it's beyond inspired and such a welcome bold depart from the usual pastel wedding look. (Ahem. My wedding. Pastel overload. Ahem.)

say bonjour to the new office.

2011-08-30T09:44:00.003-05:00

Morning, girls! Thanks for all your feedback on the marital name change...after reading the comments, I hope I didn't leave anyone feeling miffed because you kept your name, or plan to do so! I believe a girl can do whatever she chooses with her last name when she weds! Perhaps I'll write up a little something to explain my thought process and emotions on the subject, but for now...

On to more visually stimulating things! Remember this sad, sad mess of an office?

Oh it's so sad. I'm cringing even more at the root beer bottle and wine glass--I promise I'm not a frat boy. But no fear! Because, it's officially become this happy, happy office.

As my before picture illustrates, the walls were a drab beige. And not even a well-kept beige...there were patch marks and old nails dotting the entire wall. Trickily enough, I'm not allowed to paint the walls...so I knew I'd have to come up with something sneaky + punchy if I really wanted to jazz this space up.

So, I took my little tush down to the hardware store, where I wound up with beige contact paper, a small test pot of pink paint and electrical tape. I signed nothing that said I couldn't put contact paper on my walls...and then paint it. It was a madly inspired moment. After a 24 hour test, I could tell that the contact paper wouldn't ruin the walls, and the paint wouldn't soak through. So, up it all went! One roll and my small test pot of paint was sufficient for this little office backsplash. The black electrical tape framed the space...and covered up the small border that I didn't paint lest I it wind up on the wall. It was perfect.

I'm crushing hardcore on my desktop--it reflects exactly who I am, and is pretty gosh durn functional! This little gold-swan-turned-pencil-cup was peering out at me from a pile of antiques while I shopped in Stillwater, MN this weekend...and we were meant to be together. Forever. Also, I laid down some patterned paper and covered it with clear contact paper...I'm always leaving craft messes, coffee rings and so forth...and protecting my desktop is probably a wise choice.

The wallspace behind the desk now has a ton of DIY pieces--the silhouettes, the to do whiteboard, the framed "Bonjour" and so forth. I just couldn't find anything in the stores that I loved...so I did it my own durn self. The chair was another DIY moment. It originated from my gal pal Jess, and eagerly accepted it...how could I not? I loved its silhouette. A little fabric + spray paint does a new chair make! :)

To the left of my desk space, I created a little craft nook covered with a fabric curtain because...let's get real: craft shelves aren't always pretty. Unless you're Martha and can afford to install amazing shelves + matching containers. And elves to keep it all pretty. I'm 100% elf-free...so craft curtain it was.

Just a few antique store shelves down from the golden swan, I spotted four aqua flour, sugar and tea containers. They needed a little scrubbing, but I knew they'd mesh with my space once the bore some uber-femme labels. Now they hold craft items used most often, the items I like to carry to other spaces for some sprawled out crafting!

High atop a shelf in the antique store, I spied this dusty golden shadow box. It, too, needed some clean up and lovin'...and a little painting. At $45 it was a pricey splurge, but in the store I had faith. Then I did a 180. When I got it in the space...and for first few hours of my project...I thought it might have been an expensive misstep. But, once it found the right nook it worked perfectly...holding tape dispenser, stapler and a few other bits and bobbles.

I suppose I didn't intend to go so French-kitsch, or even as frilly and feminine, when I started this lil' makeover...but oh, I went there. And I'm loving it. It's surprising how inspired I feel sitting in this space. Now that it expresses my taste and what inspires me, sitting here feels less like a chore and more like a treat! :)

Where's your most inspired place to work?

i believe in mondays.

2011-08-29T08:56:00.002-05:00

I happened upon the perfect candle for my new desk set-up, deliciously scented and an impeccable mix of gold, black and white. But they were out of the letter B and W. There were lots of the letter C, though.

"Darn. It's too bad I'm not a C," I thought.

And then it hit me: in 10 months I will be a C. Bethany Contreras. And I just smiled while I typed that.

Those "I'm getting married!" moments have started to happen--and they're at the strangest times. Like while buying a candle. Getting a wedding planning CD mix from my friend Jamie. Or a handpainted wedding parasol from my girl Lizzie Beth. A wedding invitation for "The Future Mr. and Mrs. Contreras".

But, I've struggled with the name change. Romantic as a new last name is, my sis and I are the end of the line for the "Wuerch" surname and I'm sentimental about leaving it behind, odd a name as it is. After a long, thoughtful process of considering various name-change options, I'm firm.

I believe in taking his name. Bethany Contreras I shall be. And this little candle is warming me up to the idea. (Pun not intended.)

P.S. I'll be back tomorrow with my office remodel! It's been a fun task and I'm seriously lovin' how it turned out. But, I'm working on fixing up a desk chair and taking a tad longer than I hoped. :)

keepin' it real: weekend project.

2011-08-26T05:00:00.003-05:00

I love a blown out photo, vintage collection and fussed over space like every other girl. But let's face it: Real life ain't no Pinterest board, and curating a fabulous space is a little more than just a click away. And lest I ever be accused of editing out who I really am...I like to throw a little scary reality into this blog o' mine from time to time. So, welcome to my dirty little secret: the office. There are so many frightening things about this space + picture. Let's skip right past my turquoise sports bra, makeupless face and unbrushed hair (!!!), and head straight for the big ones:

1. There is little to no decorative effort made in my work area. This is where I write, edit photos and troll for inspiration. Yet, it's seriously under inspiring. Buzzkill.

2. Last night's wine glass + root beer bottle are just chillin' on my desk. Clearly I was drinking away my creative troubles...while that's easily changed by a trip to the kitchen sink, I still feel the need to point out that this happens frequently. And it likely won't change.

3. This space sometimes functions as a vanity. And a craft desk. And a regular desk. A homework space. Hence the unrelated, various items strewn about.

I'm giving myself one hour of Pinterest scheming...and am then determined to tackle this blush-worthy workspace this weekend. Hopefully, I'll be back Monday with photos of a transformed space that will leave me inspired, ready to get down to brass tacks in my creative digs. Wish me luck! :)

Do you have a dirty little secret space in your home? Someplace less than inspired and photoworthy?

how to: make award ribbons.

2011-08-25T07:13:00.000-05:00

Alright! You asked for it...and here it is: a little Award Ribbon Tutorial. I'm certain this has been shared before, but I was plum out of luck when I tried searching for instructions this week. These instructions are for a 5 inch award ribbon, but you can play with the size of your paper to make badges of all sizes!

You will need:

Glue gun (not pictured, as it was plugged in and oozing fiery glue)
5 strips of paper, cut to 2 1/2" X 10" (this is variable depending on the size you're after!)
Double sided tape
Bits of cardboard
Scissors
Ruler

one : : : Accordion fold. Fold each strip accordion style, with your folds along the short (2 1/2" width) side. I usually place a fold every 3/4", but you can play with different widths. The point is that you keep your folds a consistent width apart!

two: : : Create one large, seamless accordion piece. Connect the five strips with double sided tape, placing the tape on an "upward fold" and then connecting underneath the a "downward fold". In short, create a nonstop accordion fold using all five of your folded strips.

three: : : Make a circle. Fan out your accordion to create a near-circle. Then, replicate what you did in step two...placing tape on the upward fold, and attaching underneath the downward fold to close your circle. If the circle is a little too tight for your liking, cut and fold an extra piece of paper and add that in.

four: : : Secure your circle. Cut out any size circle from your cardboard. I just traced the nearest round thing...which was about 2". Then, hot glue the cardboard circle to the back of your badge. Turn it over and make sure that all the folds are well attached. If anything is lose, just sneak in and add some more hot glue.

five : : : Go crazy! The front of this bad boy is pretty much fair game. I created circles in word using this font, then just cut and pasted them to the front of the badge. I opted to forego adding a pin to the back, but that could easily be done. You can add ribbon, glitter...you name it. Or just handwrite something if you haven't got the time to get fancy. It's like a second grade art project. Go wild.

Ta-da! Hope you'll use and enjoy. :)

state fair care package.

2011-08-24T06:37:00.001-05:00

Hey friends! Sorry to go MIA yesterday. I've had a few ultra exciting, unexpected things happen recently, and my time has slipped away! But! There were requests for a ribbon/badge tutorial, and I'll happily be sharing that tomorrow...be sure to check back in!

Shortly after meeting last August, Gabe and I took a little trip to the Minnesota State Fair, where we frolicked about in search of a gol' durn deep fried Snickers stand for at least an hour. Along the way we made sure to bump into a few other delicacies...like onion rings and hot dogs and cotton candy. Fancy travels aside, it was one of my favorite dates ever. State fairs are charming beyond belief: the lights, the cute 4H barn + loads of ribbons, the food, the stolen kisses atop ferris wheels.

Since Gabe can't be home to make this an annual tradition...I thought it best to send the state fair to him. Unfortunately for his waistline...State Fair Package = Loads of Junk Food. Whoops!

old school bottled root beer. snickers (sadly, not deep fried!). adorable flat taffy + saltwater taffy. mini ice cream cone candies. gummy hot dogs. caramel corn. funyuns (oh to send real onion rings!). cotton candy.

I wrapped those suckers up in state fair reds, whites, blues and golds...pronto. As in: before I could eat anything. Then I cranked out a few 1st Place Ribbons for my dude. You know, if life were a 4-H competition and I were the judge, he would have won:

Best Hugs

Best Kisser (saucy.)

Best Heart

Best Gun Show (boy's got muscles!)

Best Brain
Best Buns (double. saucy.)

I'm 100% certain these will make him blush. And if so? Mission accomplished.

Have you ever visited your state fair? Got a favorite fair food or ride? If it's Pickle on a Stick or the Tomahak ride...you have my respect.

i believe in mondays. (and tickets to the gun show.)

2011-08-22T09:37:00.005-05:00

(Yeah, Best Buns. And Best Gun Show.)

Hello, dear friends! It's Monday once again and I can't believe an entire week has spun by. I have so very much on my To Do List this week and am hoping a past week of friendly visits have super charged my creative batteries...leaving my heart full of warmth and my belly full of laughs...inspired enough to get it all done!

This week, I believe...

...in crafting over-the-top care packages for my guy. And in getting to the MN State Fair this year if it kills me. These two beliefs have joined forces. More on this to come.

...in bumming because my Italian Renaissance Art class was cancelled. I may have gotten teary...

...in looking at D$%& You Autocorrect as many times a day as needed to feel jolly.

...in Gnome Birthday Parties. Check out my girl Shannon's. I'm jealous I wasn't present.

...in anticipating the nourishing brain activity which school shall bring, yet dreading the commitments and structure.

...in week-long visits from old friends, and how very "right" it can make you feel once again. Especially when they involve a giggle-inducing candlelight poetry reading for a group of old co-workers. Still chuckling...

...in falling temps! This morning I spent a little time on my balcony without breaking into a manic sweat. Hurrah!

How's your Monday...and what's on your To Do List? Is it lovely where you are?

what a difference a year makes.

2011-08-19T09:09:00.002-05:00

One year ago today, I flew into Shannon, Ireland with this boy. We were jetlagged. We were giddy. We were awkward. We were pen pals who had stolen each other's hearts before meeting, and our week on the Emerald Isle would only confirm it.

I'm not one to buy souvenirs, often I lose them within days of returning, so written words and photos are my keepsakes. But, while in Ireland with that boy I spotted this necklace--"Love from Ireland" it was inscribed. Surely it was meant to be sent to a loved one, but I couldn't resist purchasing it. Love is what I'd found in Ireland...and as I packed my bags, love was the souvenir I was bringing home. It was chancy, and I was unsure of how the next year of life would play out: I had school to attend and he returned to work in Iraq. There was no certainty of what the future would bring. But we dove in--our year of unknown twists and turns...of learning to be apart and yet still together.

The truth is this: We're still unsure. Not of our love, but unsure of where life will take us in exactly a year. He might still be contracted in the middle east. I might still be in school in Wisconsin. We might luck out right away, get a post in Germany or Italy and spend time together exploring the world. But hopes and dreams aside, we will be married--that's all we know.

And I'm slowly learning to let go of my planning, my incessant need to know...learning to snuggle up next to uncertainty and embrace whatever comes. Because regardless of oceans, careers and education, in one year our biggest dream will already have come true, with two little words:

I do.

the dress that almost wasn't.

2011-08-17T09:02:00.000-05:00

I almost didn't buy--heck, I almost didn't leave the fitting room in this dress. My hips felt hippier and my knees felt more exposed than ever. But, my friend Stephanie coerced me out, and then worked with a sales associate to sway my vote.

"Wear it with a belt! Wear it on your honeymoon in Greece!", Stephanie exclaimed. Hmm...wear it in Greece, and a lot before than, I shall!

The strangest thing is this: Even though this dress screams Anthropologie to me, I found this cute little number at a sporting goods store. Of course this means there's absolutely no information about the designer online, however if you're in the midwest you might find this dress at your local Scheels. But, you know a good purchase is in the making when taxidermy deer overlooks you at the register. Also, today shirtless hippie told me it was "very pretty".

So, wildlife experts and hippies agree: This dress is cute. Uh, yay?

P.S. In regards to the requests to visit my living room: Come anytime! Send me a fav snack list in advance, too. Truly! :) Well, just not this week. While my pal Stephanie is a very friendly gal, I'm sure she doesn't want to share the air mattress. So, hold off til next week. ;)

how to: turn a living room into a guest room.

2011-08-16T08:08:00.000-05:00

Casa de la Bethany isn't fancy enough to have a guest bedroom. So in the past, when guests came a-callin' I pumped up the double-high air mattress (definitely recommend the double-high!), rustled up an extra blanket and plopped it all in my living room. And that's fine! No one complained. But, I knew I could do better. I had an upcoming week-long guest, and the time to figure out a better option. So, I went to work at creating a Living Room Sleeping Sanctuary.

I started by uncovering this wooden crate in my craft closet--it would work beautifully as a makeshift night stand, and a place to stash guest bed linens post-visit---so I slathered it with a few coats of white paint. Then, I swapped out my mismatched sheet + blanket set for this IKEA duvet set, and stole an excess throw pillow from my bed. A few other little touches and it looks worlds better than my old guest set-up!

Here are a few extra tips I learned along the way:

Shed some light: There's nothing worse than trying to turn off the ceiling light and navigate back to your bed in a strange, dark room. Stubbed toes waiting to happen! Pick up a cheap lamp for the nightstand and jazz it up with some leftover burlap, using this Anthro Lamp Shade tutorial.

Keep 'em charged: Make sure your guest has access to an electrical outlet near the nightstand, so she can keep her phone + tech accessories charged up. This can be tricky in older homes (like mine!) where outlets aren't exactly abundant, but a little wise room arrangement goes a long way.

Cater to their snacky side: Some guests will welcome your invitation to dig through the cupboards should they wake up hungry. Many are much too shy to do so! Stash a few little snacks in a basket next to the bed just to be safe. Also, it can be difficult to sleep in a new environment--especially if your guest's schedule is off due to jetlag or driving exhaustion--so stack a few good books or magazines on a shelf near their bed.

Throw in some cheer: Even a small bouquet can really spruce up a bare sleeping space. These blooms cost $4.20, and I threw them in a simple drinking glass. Blamo--instant spruce-up!

Ta-da! Just a few swaps and a little DIY work, and I'm feeling much better about my hostessing capabilities. Sure, it lacks the total comfort of a guest bedroom...but I'm sure my future guests will still snag a some decent sleep and be just a tad more comfortable during their stay.

Do you do anything special to make your guests feel welcome?

i believe in mondays.

2011-08-15T09:13:00.004-05:00

(My embarrassingly under-used kitchen countertop.)

Hello, girls! I'm back from another weekend out of town (that's three in a row!), and I cannot believe it's Monday again. Summer is flying, no? School is quickly sneaking up on me, and I just won't have it. I'm throwing my fingers in my ears and screaming "Lalalalalala!" as I pretend it will always be summer. That's a lovely dream. But as for the present, it's time for another I Believe in Mondays!

This week, I believe...

...in making dinner for my houseguest...and therefore cooking for the first time in my new apartment...(Blushing.)

...in naming my bicycle Millieestellefernstelladaphniepenelopeevianapearlaliceessiemyrtle
daisyelodielilyhazelvictoria. All lovely names from you! But, since that's a mouthful, I shall call her Millie for short.

...in a father who changes your oil without being asked. So lucky.

...in cussing when stuck in construction. Good heavens, Minneapolis detours are beastly.

...the joy of a drizzly summer day.

...in unpacking as infrequently as possible. If I've only a week or two between trips, I often just remove the dirty clothes, wash and place back in suitcase. Not-so-glam, but true.

...in never leaving IKEA empty-handed. Ever.

I've been loving your additions in the comment section to I Believe in Mondays. So, as always, what are you believin' in this Monday?

a cup of cheer.

2011-08-12T06:00:00.005-05:00

(Yes. I drank this entire cup. And more.)

When we were in Paris, I became hopelessly addicted to hot chocolate. That French stuff ain't no Swiss Miss! Gabe likens it to chocolate soup, an impeccable ratio of melted chocolate to pure cream...so thick that my spoon practically stood up in it. And yet their women don't get fat. How is that fair?!

Since returning home from our trip I've thought about it daily, but haven't dared replicate it. Nothing could hold a candle to it, so why try?

But, I have recently become a coffee drinker, an interest that blossomed a little more each morning last week when my best friend or her hubbie made this ta-die-for chocolate coffee--french press style--with fat free vanilla creamer. Upon returning home last Sunday, I ran out and bought my own french press and am now a believer.

Are you a coffee drinker? Starbucks girl? Drip coffee? French press? Do tell. I've so much to learn!

And holy smokes, girls! In a few years, when Gabe and I have babies I shall bequeath you the duty of naming our little bundles. Way to bust out some fabulous names for my bike! I'm taking the weekend to ponder which seems most fitting. But I'll be sure to share next week. :)

brand new wheels.

2011-08-11T06:00:00.006-05:00

"Would you like to wait a few weeks, and I can assemble it while I'm in town?"

He knows me too well. I'd just asked my then-boyfriend, now fiancee, if I could invest in an adorable retro bicycle. His response was the kindest way he knew to sidestep one of my biggest flaws: Follow through. I hop on an idea and drill, drill, drill it to the ground. I need to do this! This will vastly improve my life! My life is not complete unless I do thiiiiiiis! Right! Now! And within 15 days, I'm off it. Over it. Done.

But, this was different, and I knew it. It was June, I'd just moved closer into downtown...now was the perfect time to break in a bicycle! He obliged, teasing me that within a week I'd be over it, and he could say I-told-you-so.

Yet, I'm here two months later to gloat. Because I'm so utterly in love that I've ridden it almost every day. And it helped me lose some weight...which is odd, because I'm usually cycling to Dairy Queen for a chocolate waffle cone. The math doesn't add up, but I'm not complaining!

We booked THE most amazing wedding photographers--Jeff Loves Jessica, I bet you know Jess from her blog--and I know they could find such a fun way to incorporate these wheels into our engagement photos...but, our engagement session won't be until this winter. And something tells me this babe might not work so well in three feet of snow. Could I ship it to California to use for playful photos on our wedding day? Pure ridiculousness? Hmm.

But for now, I've got to tick off the essentials: This beaut needs a name. Obviously I'm feeling the need to go retro in the name department...and incase you're wondering, it's a she.

Any suggestions?

vlogging 2.0: the brunchspiration winner!

2011-08-10T13:35:00.001-05:00

I used to waitress at a family diner, often the early 6am weekend shift. My boss told me that I wasn't allowed to talk to him before 11am, when he'd downed two cups of coffee.

I'd advise you to follow the same rule for any of my vlogs. What I'm saying is this: My perkiness can be a little intense, although it did profit me some nice tips in those waitressing days. But, I have a hard time shutting it off...I talk fast, I giggle and I fidget like crazy. And sometimes my voice goes wayupthere...you know, where only the dogs can hear it.

Regardless, here it is. The winner of the Brunchspiration package, plus a full three minutes of me in my glittering, rambling, awkward glory!! Thanks to all who entered...let's do this again soon! :)

*P.S. My email is on ----->>> side. Whoops! I dare you to count how many times I say "really" or "super". Really! Really! Super! Super! I'm off to purchase a thesaurus...

*P.P.S. Incase this video doesn't work for you, here's the blog of the lucky girl...is it you? Click to see if you're the winner!

the wedding diaries: elusive dress search.

2011-08-10T00:22:00.001-05:00

When I was a wee one, I always imagined the dress search to be the most exciting part of getting married. Luxurious fabrics! Princess silhouettes! Rooms of gowns just for me! I flipped through a fair share of bridal magazines and couldn't wait for my time to come. Oh, silly little Bethany. I've now spent two months searching and I'm done tiptoeing:

I. Dislike. Dress. Shopping. Of all the wedding planning, the things that could possibly make you want to elope...I rank dress shopping as Enemy Numero Uno.***

This loathing is a two part issue:

Issue 1: There is nothing more panic inducing than a room full of potentially too-small and whacked-sized dresses...just waiting to unflatter you. And even worse, there's usually a brood of women looking at you in all your awkward, ill-fitted glory. Grand.

Issue 2: I'm a specific gal. I need a trumpet shape...something that hugs my curves, lest I look like The Blob (I'm lookin' at you A-line dresses!!). But my biggest problem is finding the curvy shape in a fabric like organza or swiss dot, because I'm after some whimsy! Also, bonus points will be awarded for a dress already bearing a sweatheart neckline.

Last week, I bumped into a beautiful silk mikado Jenny Yoo gown. It was a sample size being cleared out, marked down to $385. It was simple, and beyond elegant. The original price was $1200, but since the designer stopped producing this pricier fabric option, they couldn't have the dress on the floor.

(Nothing flatters like being shot from below. Eek. On left: The dress as purchased. On right: Just the start of the changes I'd make...)

My bod looked bangin' in that thing...and I've never, ever said that before. Although a sweetheart neckline would have to be added, I truly felt rather hot! It was a Dangerous Curves Ahead situation and for seven minutes, I was a confident bride. In those moments, I loved me and my bod...I said yes to the dress...plunked down my $385 and was on my merry way. Dress in hand.

My best friend and her hubby agreed that it was a gorgeous gown and incredible price, a good choice. But as the day slipped by I started to doubt myself. Sure, it was a pretty gown. But was it me?

In a sleepless 3am panic, I emailed a photo of myself in the dress to Gabe. Cause there's nothing like blowing ALL the mystery out of the park! But I was desperate. I needed to know if this was a terrible idea. While Gabe commented on enjoying the curvaceous view, he backed up my fears: The dress wasn't my style. At all. He was right. Emotionally exhausted with dress shopping, I'd committed the cardinal sin: I lunged at one of the few dresses that made me feel foxy...at a price that couldn't be beat...but had completely forgotten my softer style.

(Ivy and Aster.)

My mind has played with various options--overlays or additions that might bring it closer to "me" and further from "accidental ego-boosted purchase". Perhaps we could edge toward to a softer look, like this breezy Ivy and Aster gown...perhaps it could be salvaged rather than resold? I just fear hiring someone to overhaul the thing, only to be out $800-$1000 more...and still not in love with it.

So, it's not the dress. Or at least not yet, and is hanging in my closet...awaiting the determination of its fate.

Am I alone in the accidental dress purchase? Surely others have made a similar misstep, yes? And my biggest fear: could there possibly be a bride who doesn't find "the dress" and just feels kind of "meh" on the big day?

***That was a lot of negativity in one paragraph, and I apologize. But I had to put it out there.

on forever goodbyes.

2011-08-09T09:13:00.000-05:00

(Our sleepy kitten the night he came to us: Christmas Eve.)

There was a day last week when something felt off. It was looming over me. I checked the news to make sure nothing had happened in Iraq, thinking of Gabe--the first thing I always do when that feeling starts creeping in. No news of note. My phone, which rests carefully in the front pocket of my purse, had been quiet all day save a few texts from my best friend asking me to pick up some chocolate cake. Trying to put the feeling behind me, I reminded myself that I was in California and should enjoy it. I checked out the beach. Drove around Santa Cruz. But the feeling stayed.

And then, late in the afternoon my phone rang. It was my dad.

"We're not doing so well," his voice quivering a bit. I could hear my mom and sister in the background. "We're at the vet with Rudy."

"Aww...oh no! What does he have?" I asked sympathetically. For a moment, I was relieved. That's what was wrong. Rudy, our little 10 month old kitten, probably had a respiratory infection or a kitty virus.

"He's pretty sick, B," my dad paused for a moment. "They found a cancerous tumor in his lungs...and he can't breathe on his own. It came on so fast. There really aren't any options...even with expensive treatment he's not going to...we have to let him go."

He trailed off. We stayed on the phone for several minutes, neither of us able to get more than a few words out at a time. My phone grew soggy, tears catching between my face and the screen...I tried to dam the tears as they ran rivers down my cheeks, but there was no catching to be done. There were simply too many.

"Okay," I squeaked, sobbing so hard I could barely speak. "Give him a little kiss and tell him I love him."

Our little Christmas kitten. Gone. Just like that.

I've said before that I'm not good at goodbyes, I'm even worse at forever goodbyes. Although I've felt silly grieving over a kitten while others in the world bury loved ones, I cannot help it. Not a day has passed in which I didn't curl up and cry a little over missing our kitty, my heart aching to think of how long he'd been in pain without being able to tell us. For now I've framed his photo and look at it often...remembering all the giggles and sweetness he brought to our family in only seven months. As family that hadn't welcomed a pet in 15 years, we couldn't have been more in love.

He may have lived a short life, but he certainly left behind the best memories that I'll never forget.